I would like to start keeping up with your situation because I too (at least I think so) might be moving torwards piecing. Husband recently indicated he would want to give reconciliation a try through counseling and expressed interest in Retrovaille and suggested we go on dates to reconnect. He continues to state that there has been no infidelity or woman. Says he has been lonely and miserable and very depressed. But we remain at odds mostly about finances and his leaving (I feel abandoned he says I pushed him out). I don't have much trust right now. As of now he has made no other effort, has not asked me on dates and can barely look at me when we exchange kids but I also just took him to court for child support...
As the person left behind, I relate to your way of thinking. They left us, in your case (possibly mine too) cheated. They have hurt us in the most horrific of ways. My whole family and friends sees how he left and thinks I should move on. I don't know if He is capable of making changes that I need. I don't want to have to be down this road again in a couple of years older and saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". Their commitment and character is flawed. I don't want to spend my life pushing my own needs and feelings aside and having to be the bigger person because they might leave again.
They have behaved like children and They should be the one begging for our forgiveness and proving to us they are committed. Right? Yes we are, but Probably not gonna happen because right now they feel justified.
My DB coach once said " the least interested person has the power".
Really though, I think we have to take a wait and see approach. Patience. I am letting him initiate because if I am the one that has to push for this, i will never trust it. I am going to be friendly and open and work on validation but I feel he needs to want it enough to take lead. If he doesn't want me enough, the marriage is not going to work out for me in the long run and I am better off knowing now.
In the meantime I am doing things that make me feel good and trying to not focus too much on the small things right now cause I know it can go either way and I will only make my self crazy doing so
they have to be interested again, and will not be if they feel too secure about us.
Good luck.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
