Thanks so much to all of you that came to give me so much support at this time.
Sotto - as usual I agree with you! I think you are right with such approach to my situation and I will follow your advice. As a matter of fact, I am doing it already.
Grlonfr - Yes, indeed I am in a very messed up situation. But, as we say here... "you will try and hold on a R until the day you say it is enough". I understand very well that I am the one that decides how much is too much.
GG - my situation never had any abuse in a sense of bad words, bad attitude, many arguments. My XWH was lazy at home, he was not a honey do kind of guy, that was me. But he was always a very responsible provider. I was always very free do to whatever I would like to. He kind of lost his mind once he got involved with this OW. With the D, he got very compassionate and a super gentleman. He treats me well, always says how lucky he was to be married to me and that I was the one that stop loving him first.
In some ways he may be abusive for throwing on me all his guilt, but I think he really believe that I did not love him anymore. He needs help and is not getting it. It goes back to his childhood.
RD - who would know that we had our first fight already. LOL But, maybe it is not a big fight because I think that I did not try to get a reaction from XWH, but my attitude was in that direction. By the way, I did say to him that I wanted his stuff out until december 31st or I would drop it off at his place.
I also resolved his bike issue. I told him that he needs to take his bike too and he said that he did not know. Well, then I told him to decide because it is final. He needed to say he is taking the bike or if not it will be mine because I would not give him any more time to decide. The bike stays, now it is mine, period.
I think I am getting a little more detached because now I can keep my distance with no much problem anymore.
Rain - I am going through a lot of pain, but I have been learning a lot since it all started. TBH, only now I am starting to understand this whole think about DBing, detachment, 180s and so on.
For me it never made much sense that I would let go, detach and still love the person. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I am doing better now.
Well, here are the latest news about my life:
* Finished all my XMas decorations. My house is all XMas now, it looks nice and smell like XMas.
* S21 and I decided what we will be working in our project for xtra money. We need to do a lot of work, but we gave the fist step. We have been talking a lot about this.
* Got together with some friends for our own XMas time before the we get too busy to meet each other.
* Have been invited for several get together in the next days before XMas.
* My boss from another office (another city about an hour from my office) invited me to join him on 12/21 when he will be donating several prosthetic legs for running purposes for children. He said that I am a big part of this and would really be happy if I could join him that day. Wow, I was actually very proud to hear him saying that. Besides, it will be fantastic since I know most of this patients and their parents.
About XWH - this was not his weekend with the kids but sunday morning he texted S17 and asked if he could hang out with them. S17 answered that they had too much school work because it is finals time and that if XWH wanted he could hang out with them at the house. XWH asked if "mom" agreed. S17 said yes, and XWH texted back wanting to make sure I knew about.
I sent his this msg: XWH our sons have some school work and they do not want to go out tody. They asked me and I do not have a problem to accomodate things. You can have dinner here as well, as a guest. If it is OK then fine, if not then you can make other plans with them or see them tomorrow as your original plasn. Your choice. Please, let me know. Txs.
OK. I will come over @ 6:30pm. Thanks.
Then he comes over. I wasn't there because I was at the supermarket with S21. I got home, said hi to him and continue my normal stuff. and start cooking.
XWH sat there in front of the TV saying nothing. He did not move, and said about 6 words for the entire time he was here. A little over 3hours. He did not talk with me and with the kids as well. S17 tried to talk to him about the football sometimes and he would just say yes, no.
He was very sad, and I have no idea what kind of bug bit him because he was just very quite. I called everyone to the dinner table, he came, he ate, thanked me saying that the food was excellent as always and sat again very quite.
In while after he decided to leave, came to say goodbye and told me that he would let me know when he would take his stuff from the garage. I told him that he can pick it up even if I am not in a house, he can just stop by and take his stuff.
He then said that in anyway he will let me know. I said OK thanks. He was leaving and then I walked to the front door and said I would like to ask him a favor.
He looked at me and was all nice and said off course Pink, what is it. I said that once he comes to take his stuff for him do not ask any of the boys to help him to put his boxes in his car. I said that I do not want the kids to do this for their own good.
XWH looked very down and sad and said that he was not thinking to ask them. Ok, thanks and have a Good Night.
I was a little worried, and also curious but I did not buy into that and asked anything to him. In the past I would ask what was going one, but now it was easy to just let go.
Not my problem, and I have no business in his life. It was just very awkward.
I told a friend of mine that knows him as well and she thinks that he is getting down to reality now. She said that since I start changing my attitude that XWH is being different too. That he is seeing everything very final, that the kids and I are moving forward with our lives and we do not seen to be unhappy.
Well, we will see about that. I still think that he is very depressed and need help.
