I'm joining you Becky. I'm going to create a version of myself I adore. Getting healthy and fit will really empower me. I've had some faith problems lately. I'm kind of ashamed at myself.
Well, only for a minute. I noticed and adjusted. This coming year, my goal is to be all about "I can". I've undervalued myself for way too long now. I want to enjoy the years I've got left.
Anxiety...ugh. I'm really struggling in that area. But since I've spent a bit too much time wishing myself dead, none of my doctors will let me have medication I can actually harm myself with. I'm both aggravated and grateful. I had plans, and backup plans. Not a good place to be.
I'm in a better place. I'm glad I've decided to be fully honest about what's really going on in my head with my medical team. It's just frustrating sometimes...I can't answer the "why"...I just really wanted to be gone. I had myself convinced everyone would be able to find happiness without me moping around. So unbelievable when I'm not feeling that way!
So, I've been kind of on this topic today...finding a calm center is my number one priority for several reasons. I need to manage stress and anxiety and stop letting them manage me. Prayer helps, but I'm never calm when I'm praying...I'm usually a pile of blubbering sobs. I'm having so much trouble with the "why". "How could he?" "Was I really so awful I deserve to be abandoned when I need help so desperately?" I just need to accept, I guess.
I've missed your calm self! I was offline for a bit. I didn't want to drag every one along with me again on my trip through emotional hell. I really have a special spot in my heart for my prayer DBers!
