hi pam - yes, i'm absolutely processing my changes to goals with kaw's wise words in mind. been an interesting day today:
the good - H is more cheerful, like his pre-A self, laughed at a couple of jokes even, more engaging with me when we are together. a has been over for almost 2 weeks now, still early days, i feel - during work day, was quite forthcoming about meetings, plans etc. this is quite a new development, H used to be reticent about discussing work day (and was not interested in hearing about my work day either) - H completed tax returns - this is a FIRST!!! usually i'd have barged in and taken charge - we are a bit close to the filing deadline, but he's done it, i'm so happy - over dinner H chatted about some frustration with new boss at work - lots of opportunity for me to validate, which was done beautifully
the bad - H brought work home, and before and after dinner we both spent time on our mutual laptops - no quality time. i'm disappointed about this - i must change my reactions when H takes out laptop - by doing the same, i'm saying it is aceptable. i must find other things to do in H's vicinity that let's him know quality time is more important to me than catching up with work - H told me last night that he is involved in a new project for 3 days per week, for the next 4 weeks, at client site, which is 5 mins away from OW's workplace - aarrgghh - i did not react, but obviously lots of fear churning through me - lack of sleep - had a dream that OW was pregnant - talk about runaway imagination - could not sleep after that - BIG circles around my eyes today. i must focus on getting good night's sleep - this has been a problem on and off for the past 6 months
the work ahead - mystery - having lunch with a good friend today, H was interested to come along, now is (feigning?) being busy. next time, i'm gonna not divulge so much detail upfront, let H wonder, and feel a little left out - just heard from OW's sister that H had told her he will never lose me (in response to her comment that he has a great W and should take care i do not leave him) i'm more than a little dismayed that H is taking me for granted, i must work on this - kaw's excellent question - is H willing to put in effort to rebuild our M? i believe so, in fact, H was contemplating both of us taking time off to focus on re-connecting, but the reality of bills means we need to muddle through as best we can
phew - this journaling stuff is great, but does take energy. hats off to sage, shiny and the rest who have set such great examples for the rest of us
all constructive feedback would be appreciated!! thanks
