Stop trying to justify her working on the M because its the what's best for the kids. It seems you haven't changed from the old M anyway because you still cling to her and for all the wrong reasons. It's not even that you love her as much as it's just your fear of being alone and how hard life will be starting over. What she said was true, her coming back is what's best for you right now and the things you tell her (even if they are true) only reassure her she was right.
Here's something I want you to think about for a while. You said 3 years ago she was nearly out the door and you changed some so she would stay (I think, forgive me if I'm confusing stories). You said those changes didn't last and it was becaue they were for the M and not you. You have even said if the changes stuck then and you did more work you might have saved it then. How is now different from then if she comes back to you tomorrow? Nothing would have changed and you would be back here in 3 years again. You changing for you is only part of the equation, the rest is her and out of your control.
When we nearly split up it was because she had been feeling very unloved I had been taking her for granted and I had not been spending quality time with my children. I was not pulling my weight arround the house and I was still expecting everything from my W
All the time she was feeling extremely unhappy she was still doing every thing for me and for the house and for the children she must have been exhausted
I would put pressure on her at bedtime I was selfish I put my needs above hers and I did not stop to consider her feelings.
She tried to tell me how unhappy was and I did not listen she would cry I would comfort her but for her the words went in one ear and out the other. Sure i tried to comfort her but. I did not see and did not realise just how unhappy she was.
My actions we're abusive and over the years this is how she has felt ...abused
my W had felt unloved she felt that I did not listen to her and did not want to show her my love and now I realise just how she has been feeling
So how have I changed
I accept that we are finished as a Maried couple I have to listen to what she has been saying she said during our marriage that I did not listen ....well I am listening . She does not have to be here in the house with me right now but she is choosing to stay
I am being a lot calmer arround the children and arround my W I do not have any expectations I no longer treat Her with disrespect I show her I care I show love to all our children I spend time with all of them I care about the house and I do my share of the housework I do this because it is the right things to do
I love the fact that we are both arround every day to spend quality time with our children I get to see them every day I am arround when my children are sad I am able to co parent in the same house two parents are better than one we have each other for backup
So to confirm,
1) STFU 2) do not push for anything 3) spend time every day with each of my children show them love 4) create peace at home 5) continue to become a better man 6) have no expectations
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
