Hi LouR- I just want you to know that I am so sorry. Words hurt and they can be very hard to forget.

However, he is saying that ow meant nothing to him. Try to choose to listen to those words! In fact, he even says that was a disaster. Don't give her the power over you and your thoughts. Of course if his empathy chip were not short circuited he would understand why these statements hurt you.

One of the things I read along the way and try to remember is that right now it is not possible for you two to meet each other's emotional needs. He is too immature yet. And as a grown woman, you need a man with a man's mind and heart.

As hard it is to keep your mouth shut, you will learn more if you can do it. I tried to treat my H like a case study in MLC vs. my husband. (I was doing a decent job at this--really he told me some CRAZY things! And I did learn a lot. But receipt of that letter derailed me and my interest in learning more. I suddenly felt like I had bought a ticket onto the Titanic and not in first class! I needed to set a boundary telling him he had gone far enough. It was TMI.)

Remember to hear that he is saying she was a disaster! You are leagues ahead of her. Focus on how you are the lighthouse...

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced