Letting go of the child inside

[sandi2]

I want to comment on the topic of making changes. If I have read his posts correctly, AtPeace has mostly seen making changes as to what leg action he does. He has tried to put action to the things his W complained about........more housework, more time with kids, less time on IPad, etc. These are actions I call leg actions, because it doesn't require growth or inner development. It doesn't require a lot of good character traits. A man can do these things without changing his attitude or mindset.

AtPeace, I believe what may be missing are those areas where you change the inner man. In other words, you "become" a better man. It isn't about what leg action you can do or not do. Those areas are pretty simple and relatively easy in comparison to changing how you think. Have you changed the inside of you? Dealt with your fears, compulsion thinking, codepency, etc.? We have tried to tell what to do or stop doing, in an attempt to help you "become" that better man, however, when you talk about your changes........you pull out this leg action list of your W's. Remember when you were doing all the housework, while she did none of it? Didn't make her any happier, did it? That's b/c it wasn't the real problem.

I know that most W's will give an entire laundry list of things the H needs to do or stop doing (all leg actions). However, it really boils down to what kind of man you are with her, and her children. A woman doesn't fall in love with a man based on his housekeeping skills. When she complains about you working too late or being on your IPad too much........that really isn't what she means. This probably blows your mind, so I won't continue on with this subject, but Max touched on it. It's all about how you make her feel. It is about the relationship. It is about "becoming" a new and better man by how you think and feel.