What I have seen is pain, confusion, and something like narcissism.
I experienced much of what Zues mentions above. I had told my W that as far as I was concerned, pretty much anything goes in the bedroom as long as it stays between us. Used to tell her I thought one key to a happy marriage was keep the sex dirty and the fights clean.
She would say she liked something, and when I'd do it, or want to do it more often than she thought was 'acceptable', I was told I was a pervert. Or had 'issues'. Etc.
Despite being high drive with decent skills, I eventually lost most of my desire for her in the last couple or three years even though I thought (still do) that she was the sexiest woman I ever knew. She was always my first, best, and only choice.
While I would prefer to have our M even still, I do feel relief from not being constantly put into a box and labeled.
