You asked me on another thread if I could look your situation over and on Friday I flew through some of your old threads and came up with some thoughts for you that I hoped to get a chance to post.
First I want to say your marriage counselor was horrible for telling you giving your husband an ultimatum was a horrible mistake. Your counselor should have been going after your husband for the same issue instead of wasting everyones time trying to "counsel" an active wayward. If you still have anything to do with that counselor, you should stop. Especially after what I'm going to tell you below.
I saw you post on Jpeg's thread that your husband still works with OW and since you don't snoop you have no idea if the affair continues or not.
This is unacceptable.
Step one to recovery is: "NEVER see or speak to the other person again" or "No Contact for Life".
Even if they did officially end the affair, just being in the same office and looking at each other is too much contact. Your husband can get on with committing to his marriage and rebuilding his marriage while his back up paramour remains on the scene. Either he is still giving her puppy eyes or she is still giving him puppy eyes (and maybe more in the office broom closet from time to time).
It's also completely unfair and impossible for a betrayed spouse to emotionally accept and be expected to endure their supposedly former wayward spouse still going to work daily and being even remotely in the presence of the OP.
THIS is why marriage counseling is an abysmal failure. Your counselor should have been demanding this from day one. It's like these guys think they can plant the idea from within the wayward and it's just an encroachment upon the patient/client relationship to actually tell them what to do. It's not. It's why marital coaching has far more success recovering marriages than "counselors" who are scared to give directions.
It's your prerogative to change you mind. Just like I told JPEG, when your husband moves out in January you end all contact with him only your demand also includes him quitting that job. You can't recover your marriage with a third party still in it, no matter how remotely.
I also think you've probably taking the "no snooping" thing a bit far. Betrayed spouses tend to fixate on snooping and wasting way too much emotional energy monitoring their wayward spouses after they bust them. Thus, it's a good recommendation to tell them to stop because once you know what's going on - knowing more isn't worth it. It sounds like you really don't know what's for sure going on and you've never really have. Waywards don't often tell the truth so it's FARRR easier to carefully and temporarily get the truth than not. It's a difficult balancing act but I feel that sometimes recoveries get hung up, for example, when the betrayed wife still thinks it was an emotional affair when all along it was a physical affair. The wayward husband may even try to recover the marriage all the while not admitting the truth (to save face and to protect the OW) and the LIE sits there indefinitely as a complete barrier to recovery. The point being - Don't Snoop Too Much - But snoop enough so that your on the same knowledge playing field with your "former" or "not yet former" wayward spouse.
I won't suggest how to do that since you are worried about privacy on your threat but looking at emails and text messages isn't a good source with long term affair relationships that have been somewhat busted and gone underground.
Another tip - I use different web browsers for different activities. If you search OW or do anything related to snooping or even posting here, do it in a secondary browser. You can flip between Chrome, Safari or Mozilla and then someday, never go back to that browser. If someone snoops your computer you also don't have to worry about your primary browser and the history therein - you just make sure to clear things if and only if you go into the secondary browser.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
