This isn't the way I wanted to start a new thread. I wanted these feelings to pass, and then I planned start a new thread with optimism and sense of leaving the past behind, and declaration of my future plans and dreams.
I guess I can choose to do that at any time.
For now though feeling broken and defective. Yip!
Did you know that Mr Ex's new partner is a Champion Bodybuilder?
Did you know that Mr Ex's ex partner (that would be me) is a Depressive Fatty?
Oh and its F***ing Christmas!
And so the thoughts have ruminated since I was triggered yesterday to a little mental breakdown.
It has been building for weeks and I am hormonally primed, so it was pretty much a certainty that I was going to flip my lid.
There is more rational stuff to say, but I'm having anxiety attacks, breathless, hyperventilation, and crying, thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, what's the point kinda of stuff. Don't worry no plan, it's just the anxiety running it's course . I know it's not real. Just biology, psychology and circumstance clashing. This too shall pass. It's all just mental rubbish, I know that. The sense of overwhelm is just a*rse.
I am at home (stayed home to the ugly snotty crying), the sun is streaming in the window. I have a beautiful view of Mt St John and greenery all around . This will pass.
Thanks to all who posted on my last thread.
JellyB XXX (white knuckling it for the short term)
