Let your W go. You can't control her. She may or may not come back. She may or may not become a partner you could reconnect with. If your happiness is tied to her behavior you will go crazy, and you will blame her for your unhappiness. So just let go and live your own life happily.
Don't burn bridges. You are in NO position to date. You are in no position to make decisions about the future of your M. You are emotional, needy, in pain, and desperate for something to fill the hole in your life. Don't put garbage in that hole. Learn to fill it on your own with GAL activity, little by little. That is how you will be able to proceed in a healthy way, whatever that path may look like down the road. As long as you feel your sitch is unlivable that is a clue that you are being reactive and likely making bad choices. Make your sitch livable first, then you'll know you're in control of your life.
This all boils down to DETACHING and GAL. Nothing new. Rebound relationships and emotional lifelong decisions trying to change the lay of the land so you will feel differently are exactly the WRONG path.
You are married, that means you stand by your vows regardless of your feelings, and when she's not strong enough to hold the M together you step up. You can't both crumble. My mantras are "act with the character I wish she had" and "I can't expect her to act with character if I can't". The second one also translates to "I can't expect her to transcend her dependence on OM in a healthy way if I can't transcend my dependence on her in a healthy way".
So let me ask AUBob, can you just let her go on her path, avoid lifelong decision about your future, and avoid any bridge burning, and lead by example for 3-6-12 months? Or is your neediness and pain going to rule your future so that you rationalize making excuses and breaking your vows?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
