The exchange this morning is classic GUILT for your W and trust me , that's exactly how she saw it.
I presume you had girlfriends In the past Now imagine one of them is going to be sleeping around next Thursday How do you feel about that ?? Seriously , how do you feel. I would imagine you couldn't care less Now if that woman had a serious illness and you heard that , you may be a little sad but it doesn't really change your life.
Now imagine that's how your W feels right now. You could leave and meet someone and she would t really be bothered. Because that's where she is right now. Please listen this time. Anything you say is seen by W in her light and not how you might intend it to be seen
Have you read Sandis thread on WW and WAW , there is terrific insight
Your mindset has to be one of mindfulness of how W perceives you. Now if you are doing X because X is what you want to do then fine but if X can be taken by W as influence then do X in a different way
I hope I'm being clear.
The exchange this morning may have been genuine on your part BUT W could easy take it as guilt. This morning you could have easily said to S , come on buddy , we will play a game in the car and make it really fun This leaves W out of it completely
I know this is hard but you did not make 2 days with STFU. Improve you for you and if W is drawn closer then great but if she isn't then the new you will be able to cope and live his life fully
Please mate , no talking about the kids or anything for a week. Can you set yourself that goal ?
I have to bite my tongue regularly with my W. She leaves the openings there all the time and I can assure you that she is stunned by my ability to STFU I sometimes feel she says things to test the STFU attitude I know have Slowly , oh so slowly I have developed this ability and trust me , I fake it a lot of the time because the old RD knew everything and was happy to voice it to W
I'm at this longer than you and I'm gifted that I have my kids with me 24/7 but it's a struggle daily. I chose to move forward because I realised ( with loads of help from on here ) I had no real choice Neither do you.
Last lesson and please take it , Your W does not want an R with you right now and nothing you do short term or especially say short term will change that
Come on buddy , one foot in front of the other and W is now an alien that you cannot communicate with because there is a language barrier so the only way of communicating is by actions. Show W you are becoming a man only a fool would leave.
