Slow day at work today. Too much thinking time. W asked me to call D on my lunch break, said my little one was missing me. I called, and talked to her briefly as she was making christmas cookies, and then W sent me a bunch of pictures after I hung up. W called me when she got back in town and wondered if I wanted to stop by before I got home and see D and get some cookies that her grandmother had made for me. I was already at home and getting cleaned up at the time and so I just said I'd see her tomorrow when I pick her up from the Sitters tomorrow. She also sent pictures to my mother, which is VERY odd considering her and my mother are not on speaking terms at the moment. That's confusing as s---.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
My husband found my divorce busting book .. and googled it. and while I was leaving said something very nasty ... Like go eat a donut.
How to start a thread
I will use what Job wrote
Originally Posted By: job
Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.
GAaaaaaaah, thread hijacked. Deep Breath........okay
Journaling:
Had a lot of anger build up inside me today. Had many plans next year to move to another city closer to family, better career opportunities, and lots more friends there. Angry that my WW blew all of this up by leaving. D was at the babysitters, I went to see her when I got off work (babysitter is next door to us). Left before W got there. Was sooooooo angry I would have blown up. Put on the running shoes, went to the park, put on the heaviest, angriest music I have, and crushed a 3 mile run. Still hacking up mucus from the weather. Less angry, somewhat depressed. So many plans shattered........feeling a bit low now.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
Really struggling this morning again with the anger. My emotions have come in overwhelming waves. I just want to March down to the courthouse and file. I'm nobody's plan b. Anyone have any thoughts? Experiencing this?
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
Sorry your struggling nate, I'll catch up on your thread more when I have some free time. There's nothing wrong with anger, it's a natural part of this cycle and you shouldn't ignore it. It's what you do with the anger that's important. With other feelings it's always important not to make decisions based on them because they can and will change over time. Today you might be angry and pissed at W and go ahead and D her but you could regret it in a months time.
If you don't want a D then don't file for a reaction from her or because of how you feel at that specific moment in time.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Really struggling this morning again with the anger. My emotions have come in overwhelming waves. I just want to March down to the courthouse and file. I'm nobody's plan b. Anyone have any thoughts? Experiencing this?
Absolutely, Nate. It's a daily struggle for me. In my case my wife is literally leading a double life. Making it appear she is working on our marriage while simultaneously telling the OM how much she loves him in texts. Might still only be a EA, might be a PA. Thing is I don't give a (#$%$) what she's doing until she breaks ties with him. Until the day it bothers me and I'm a blubbering mess wondering why I'm trying or if it's worth the effort
My point is that our emotions and reactions to our situations come in cycles, with good days and bad days. Detaching your emotions from your W's actions are the key to evening out the cycle and to have fewer oscillations between Highs and lows. It's not easy, but it is the only way to survive intact.
Why do I stick to my guns through the pain and struggle? At my core I feel the need to give this a chance. Walking away and giving up is the easy way out, and I've never taken the easy way out. Also, as painful as this is, every day we stay together-ish is another day to improve myself and, importantly for me, spend all the time I can with my kids.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Thanks guys. I guess the biggest difference for me is that this has happened 3 times in our 10 year relationship, and this one bites the biggest because of D involved. Thing is, I don't really know that I want to be married to her anymore. I don't know that the level of damage to that trust can ever be fixed. Since she lives in a separate apartment on the other side of town, I can no longer confirm or deny the existence of an A. We are barely neighbors at this point, my only focus is me and D2. She imposed this 6 month trial separation for reasons unknown to me. Her affair partner is married, has 2 kids and a mortgage. I don't know what there is to figure out. I just know my worth as a person, and I'm nobody's backup plan. Maybe the easy way out is the way to go this time.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
Someone moved your cheese. I got my cheese moved, too. It's not a good time when the storm warning flag is waiving.
Sometimes we get hints to know where to look for the cheese. Right now, you watched someone remove the cheese from the maze, so no cheese for you. It hurts. BUT, they did leave you something beautiful and awesome - your D.
Your D needs to know that NO ONE will move her cheese - not you, ever, the BIG CHEESE! Remind her daily. Don't let the actions of mom instruct D on how life works. You are a man of integrity, a man of courage. It's tough to keep up the 'nothing is wrong' image, but you will find small victories in this war.
You can't control the runaway train, but you can certainly pick the right time to jump off.
Last edited by trumpet; 12/15/1506:50 PM.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
