Lou, Your h is thinking out loud and saying things that he most likely would not have normally said (pre-crisis). I know you can't make sense of his comments, but he is thinking and trying to rationalize his behavior. Yes, it's frustrating, but this is all part of his crisis and yes, figuring things out for himself. This is where it takes a lot of patience, and I do mean a lot of patience to listen and keep the duct tape over the mouth moments.
He's truly still in crisis and doesn't understand why the picture needs to come down. He's still trying to navigate being a teenager and they truly do not understand why such things would hurt or annoy us...yes, things such as that up on the wall and in your face are reminders of what transpired...however, to them, they are just gifts and there are no emotional ties to them..
Going back and reconnecting w/his family is important in order for him to move forward. He needs to go back and reconnect w/them to better understand the why's, hows and whats of happened in his young life.
For now, sit quietly and the answers will come. Do not try to rush his process because he needs to go at his own pace and be able to express his thoughts. It appears that he feels safe in talking to you and yes, you are going to hear things that will make you angry and some that will hurt...but try to keep in mind that he is looking for the answers within.
Most importantly...breathe and keep those expectations at zero. You can't rationalize the irrational...so listen, only comment when asked your opinion and then try to let those conversations go because they may not make sense to you.
Yes, it takes a very long time for them to come through their crisis. When they begin the journey out of the crisis is where the really hard work begins not only for the MLCer, but the LBS as well. Why the LBS? Because we start to see some normalcy and we begin expecting certain things and yes, we begin to push and get frustrated that they aren't on or close to the same page that we are. This is where many possible reconciliations will fail because we lose our patience w/them. If you truly want your h back, give him the time he needs to heal and become a mature man that will be worth the wait.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
