At home, something happened to my W. She wanted to talk, and right away, after the kids were moving towards bed, she told me 'I am sorry', and not in anger, but in a voice and demeanor that showed something had changed in her. She acknowledged the EA and start of a PA with OM, but stated again it was over, and has been for a week. No contact. She stated she wants to work on the marriage - a true first for her in 6 weeks. Other times it was 'we'll take it day by day'.
This morning - a surprise. She asked me to come close and she kissed me. She wants to go on a date on Friday. She initiated. I said yes.
I recognize this sudden switch as the WW checking to see if she has any loving feelings returning. If things with OM ended, she has the option of returning to the M or getting a D. I think she wanted to have a "date night" to see if she felt drawn to you..........or so she could say that she tried everything and nothing worked.
It is too soon for a date night. The word "date" should be erased, b/c it insinuates romance.....which automatically gives you expectations and gives her emotional pressure.
Each of you will battle addiction withdrawals. That's like a couple who stops smoking at the same time. They think it will be easier doing it together, but they usually are at each other's throats b/c each of them are in a battle of addiction. Each of them have needs that are screaming. I am not suggesting you return to the porn, I am just saying that it is a tough road to travel. However, I believe it can be done.
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We headed out ok, but during our date night, which started with a 'date night' bible study, I saw my wife grow distant, like she usually does when talking about feelings, about emotions, and marriage. You could tell something was wrong, and when we were supposed to talk to each other about making 'bid' - aka love deposits - I had some great ones that I like to hear from her - but she couldn't come up with any, aaying this is 'difficult'.
After leaving, I asked a few questions, but the conversation became strained, and the night started to take a bad turn. I really need a new phone, so we stopped with about 45 min to spare to work on picking one up - I had all the particulars done beforehand, so I was hoping that's the time it would take. As soon as we get there, my wife tells me 'we don't have time for this right now', insisting we leave to go to dinner, which was just up the street.
Needless to say, I didn't take it well. After yelling, and almost walking home the 2 miles, we had no dinner, no discussion, and my wife was back at Facebook on the computer as soon as we got home. The kids were really confused, since we were supposed to be home 2 hours later.
I think she was seeking a fix, and that's why she was in a hurry to get home to the computer.
Your toughest test will probably be when you tell yourself that she is not giving you what you need, and you'll feel a little justified to resort to old porn haunts. Just bear in mind that if you return one time, it will be starting all over again. You have one and a half months behind you! I think that takes a lot of strength and shows what you can do when you are determined. Don't give in to the temptation.
During this entire ordeal, the cart has been before the horse. You can't get anywhere until you have the correct order..........the horse and then the cart.
I hope today will be a better day.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
