spoke to OW..the 1 he said he has no contact with

[Rain75]

So it has been a tough couple of days. I don't know what to do. Im hoping you guys can help me formulate a plan.

I haven't called a L. Not sure why since I know that I have to. I need a will like Pink said for sure and I do have a lot of questions i need answered.

I did go to the child support office. I signed the initial paperwork. I was told it is a long process but at least it's begun.

As for him. Well I have been only contacting him about the kids. I do not initiate any contact but I respond to his.

I went off the deep end a few times when he again called ow a liar. Also when he said our issue isn't what he is doing but that i can't stop...never did stop talking about ow.

He doesn't see or refuses to admit that i did that because my gut and others told me it was still going on.

He text me on my b-day to say he wanted to take me out to dinner. I agreed but only if the kids came too. I didn't want a date.

We went. It was nice. But not the same. He asked if he could come by to help put the kids to bed. Again i agreed. They were veey happy to see him.

We were in separate cars. When he showed up he was bearing gifts. He knocked and i opened to find him with a cake and wine and flowers. I thanked him.

Anyway About half hour later we put the kids to bed and I told him it was late and it was best he get going. He was not happy.

He text me and told me he hoped I'd enjoyed myself. I said i did. Thanked him again and wished him a good night.

He replied with.....if you wanted Me to have a good night I would be laying next to you right now.

I semi lost it. And I hate that.

I told him he denied our family and relationship so he gave up the right to lay next to Me and definitely threw away the right to sex.

I told him that though dinner and the gifts were thoughtful they are not enough to fix this.

That i can barely look at him because all i see now are the things he said to her. The way he denied us. The love songs he sent her etc

He told me he is sick and tired about hearing about her and refuses to talk about her. That had he really wanted to be with her he could have with one phone call. (she confirmed she would have walked away from her marriage had he asked when this blew open and she and I spoke)

Also he told me to remember that you catch more flies with honey then vinegar...He then bid me good night.

So here is where am I stuck. I believe what we had is dead. It died the day I found out this last time.

He seems to be trying to do the least amount of superficial work possible to keep me.

When i was doing all the wrong things...last year i had given him a book on helping your partner feel safe again after your affair. He has yet to read it.

He has yet to cut contact with ow. She is currently ignoring him though.

I have so many "why" questions that he refuses to answer.

I feel that if I don't stand my ground he will continue to do this with me and the ow for as long as he can. He truly seems obsessed with her.

Though perhaps he is obsessive by nature when he can't have someone.

He got it into his head that I had a date last night. I didn't even argue. I didn't have a date and he wasn't going to try to turn the tables when he is the one pursuing someone else.

So last night during the time when he assumed i would be on said fictional date he did something he has not done in years.

He sent me a song.

A love song.

And told Me That he hopes i enjoy my evening.

It may be genuine. It also may have been an attempt by him to sabatoge my "date".

Now that I know how well he lies and how he was and is a cake eater it wouldn't surprise me.

What do you do when he seems scared of losing you but will not do what you need him to do?

I feel as if i am slowly going insane.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. I want to stand for my R and I don't want to keep making mistakes that will hinder this. Was it okay to even go out with him? Should i speak to him when he is begging me to call him (i blocked phone calls from him). What if he wants us to do something with the kids? Am I not to mention the ow especially if he initiates it by calling her a liar. When i know he is trying to get her to forgive him?

Yet I do not want him to think a few nice gestures will correct everything he has torn apart. I need your help. I am lost on what to do.

Thanks