I really need to work on these anger feelings and being so vocally opinionated. I did not have a voice, he left, I had to harden up and its now gone the other way!! He says stuff like he does not regret leaving me or does not regret getting into a relationship so quickly and I see red. I don't understand his explanations and rationalizing so therefore find it hard to accept and let go of. All it does is make me wonder if he really is worth all this, if he deserves me. I know we need to find our harmony and that is going to take time. I also know that I need to calmly ask him to try and explain things in a different way - like with ow - his thought process is that he does not regret her because he understands now that he got into a relationship to avoid dealing with why he left me and the actual leaving me, if it wasn't for her and the disaster of them, he would not have got to the point that he is at now; he wishes he had not done it because it caused me more pain and hurt her, but he does not regret it ?? And he questions why I request he take the picture down for next time I visit - because yes it was a gift from her, but he just sees it as a nice picture, not as a reminder of her. He said, where does this stop - the clothes she has bought for me and I like, do I now need to chuck out my favorite jumper ....um yes !!! and now I will wonder if the jumper he is wearing came from her ....breathe breathe lol. Am I being unreasonable, is this one of the Let It Go times?
The reasoning behind going back to see his family has evolved, if only he had explained it the way he has eventually done. Its all about his family and reconnecting to them, letting them know he cares - something he has not done since we met 25yrs ago! - he does not want to be on a plane doing a mercy dash or worse still going to a funeral. Apparently these feeling all started in March when his young friend (22yrs) was killed in a car accident. This is about the same time he started having feelings and thoughts for me again and he started questioning everything. Maybe this is why spending Christmas as a family has become important to him.
V here are so right, it can take years for the mlc'er to come through this, even when they start to show signs of coming out of the tunnel it takes them a long time to come out into the sunshine again.
