Huddy, you are indeed Mr Confident now! And I take my hat off to you. I'm glad you are settling into your new place, and I can understand you want to help your W and the kids.
Not sure what you have done in terms of a possible second key - but that is where I would draw the line. It's your new place and she may come as a visitor, and on a temporary basis while she gets things sorted. I would draw the line at her having a key.
Good for you. It sounds as though you have handled the move really well xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Sotto, I have decided not to give W a key. I don't want to come across as a nob, but it is my place and if she's gonna realise that her life ain't gonna be perfect with me gone, I don't really want her just inviting herself in without me offering. I hope that doesn't seem harsh, and she did ask for one, but I just said I didn't have one.
NDY - bud, hope you're settling in too - beer soon!
See you guys in three days!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, You're doing a great job with this. I'm hoping for a little advise. My D is scheduled to be finalized in 9 days. We still live in the same house. She refused to move out. Yesterday she sent a text saying she is having trouble finding a place she can afford. She doesn't want to rent she wants to buy but there isn't anything in our city she can afford. I'm refi-ing the house to take her off the title, mortgage and to pay her her half of the equity. She is asking if she can stay. I had to ask her "are you asking to stay in the house after the D and loan processing?" She said "What else should I do"
If she D's me I want her out. I'm even feeling this could be another block dragging her to rock bottom so she may come back to the M. I'm not going to let her stay. I'm just not sure how to tell her. Any ideas?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
W has been at my flat almost every day. I'm storing some of her stuff, but she was having problems getting her gas/electric to work, so has had to bring the kids around for showers etc.
I went away for work for three days and on the flight back I had to change in Amsterdam. My phone sprung in to life and my SD wanted to know what time I was going to be home. Within ten minutes of me getting back, W et al was at the door.
Don't know what to make of it all. For a woman who desperately wanted to separate, we don't seem to have spent much time apart. This week may be different as she now has all her utilities. GAL activity on Friday which I'm looking forward to and the kids have been with me all weekend.
Still getting anxious nightmares, mainly about being alone. Early days, but OK.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy - I presume she is sleeping at her place? Has the tension dissipated? Spew jackets back in the wardrobe?
There is no OM is there? Do you have a separation agreement - formally or informally? What is the agreed days for who has the kids etc?
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W asked me to help sort out her television. Whilst I'm not her 'handyman', as she asked so nicely and has been really agreeable, I went around to her flat. To say her flat is squalid would be a step to far, but the council has provided it as temporary accommodation and it is basic.
I sorted out her TV and she was laughing and joking with me. She smiled when she spoke to me, with some affection. It was difficult not to just kiss her. She's going back to what she used to be, character wise.
I don't think she has really felt loss yet, though. As I say, she has been at my house virtually every day since we finally moved house. My SD however, is finding excuses to come over when she wants and seems more upset at the situation than W does (visually). S & D seem to be coping OK.
Managed a cheeky GAL activity Sunday night and have a big works Christmas do on Friday.
Whilst I don't want to be seen as being at her 'beck and call', I feel I have to walk a thin line between genuinely helping, being her husband (on paper) and becoming her friend. That's going to be a judgement call on a job by job basis.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy! It sounds like you're making some progress. It's really early in my situation compared to yours - but I don't even see a glimmering of a possibility I can ever slide into friendship with H. Of course, there are some other differences, too. But friendship after such a long and brutally ended marriage? I just don't see it. My plan right now is to never see him again.
I finally dropped the rope. Somehow, H sensed it and became a monster. I just don't understand the WS. He finally gets what he says he wanted and then is unhappy about it?
I hate that we're going through this. I love stories like yours that show progress and change. Right now, I'm clinging to them for hope.
Hope you and the kids are doing well, and W is emerging from the fog
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
