BTW... I was not able to go running 2 nights ago because my D17 sang in a christmas choir for most of the night. Last night my S sang in his choir, but it was mercifully short so me and my puppy went running again last night. It feels like I ran a little further than the first night. I did not make it running the whole way to the park, but I ran a block further than the first night so I can almost make it to the park.
In my head, running was gonna feel good. Man, it hurts, lol. I know it will feel good when I am not running so much of this weight around. So I am gonna keep my nose to the grind stone and run until... March 17th. If, by March 17th I am not getting pleasure (and weight loss, lol) from running, I will look at something new.
PP.... If you would be so kind as to crack the whip if I ever veer away from this goal, I promise I will love you forever
(btw, I already will love you forever, but maybe do it anyway)
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona, we always have had an expression in my house, March the 17th...sleep the 18th. It is a terrible drunkard joke referring to St. Patrick's day parade partying up here in Chicagoland...but you can use it for your goal towards that specific date
I have this feeling that I am a fraud too. People see me as being attractive and friendly, someone who seems to have it together. Anyone who doesn't know the whole story will think that I was the one who had an affair and bailed on the M. And this is how my X is happy to let everyone think.
But I feel like a POS too because not only did he emotionally abuse me, but he also left me and kid for another woman and her kids. Somehow my whole worth is tied to him and the OW. Every day, I am trying to talk myself out of it.
I read your threads and I think you're so much stronger than me. You have so much love for your H but you are more than just a woman who loves him. Have you read through all your threads and realise how much you've gone through and achieved? I would have crumbled if I had to go through half of what you did.
You are a strong woman, you just are. You dont need anyone's validation.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I had a magical night Friday. I went out with my friends again and I danced my tush off! I met this awesome stud. He was completely unavailable, but he was a huge confidence booster for me. That dopamine I desired finally came as I was dancing.
We all went out to breakfast and we had a rowdy ball. I went home alone which I have to admit was hard.
Tonight, I was at a christmas party with my friends. I sent a text to the amazing jerk earlier letting him know I wanted to stay at a party and can he please pick up D17 at 11 so I did not have to leave my party.
It was my first every karaoke party. After I took care of their IT issues, we had a total blast! No one could sing. LOL.
So 15 minutes until 11, no answer from H. So I run from the party and when I get to the house where my D was at, she tells me she is in dad's car. He never replied to me, so I had no freaking idea he picked her up.
OMG, I yelled at my D on the phone. Then I texted her to apologize for yelling, letting her know I was not mad at her, I was mad at him. He never texted me, so I left my party and I could not just go back, it was in a city across the river.
He dropped her off when I got home, so I yelled at him. He said he just woke up and had no time to text me. &*%&^%%#%&^ liar.
I started to tell him what a failure of a father he was. and I started to walk away. But I had SOOOO much more to say. I turned around to hit him with both barrels and he drove off.
I was so angry. I was having so much fun. The jerk sees his kids once a month when I force it.
But the worse part was my D17.
When I started to yell at my H, and he yell back at me, she told me to stop. She did not tell H to stop, just me. I was flabbergasted! I have to do EVERYTHING. Alone! And she tells ME to stop????
I went irate then. I walked into the house, slammed the door shut and came up to my room.
I want so badly to lash out at him. But there is nothing I can say or do to make a difference. So I ma just gonna yell at everyone here, the go and make peace with my poor SD who did not try to get caught in the middle.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I hate it when the X doesn't respond and/ or I have to drop plans last minute.
Agree with Gmum, your D didn't ask your H to stop because she just doesnt expect that much from him.
But hey, you had a blast of a time. I am sure there are more good times coming your way. And I luurrve karaoke parties. If only we are on the same continent.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I miss you, Mona! You do so well with GAL. I'm learning from you. Ironically, I now find myself wondering if I really want H back at all anymore? His betrayal just doesn't speak very well of his character. Did I really choose so poorly? Sigh. Were you all over the place,emotionally, your first time around? Thank goodness everyone starts out shouting, IT TAKES TIME, to all the newbies. His little piece of paper (D) continues to inch forward, but at my pace, not his. It is making him crazy.
I empathize with you. I (mostly) want my H back. I want a better version, though. One committed to learning new skills, attending counseling, and who understands an apology. I get the feeling I'm now his back-up in case all else fails. Exactly what you wanted me to see? He needs me to move on, so he can be happy. I need to, so I can be happy. Hopefully, the car and job situation are both resolved this week. I'm ready to do something new!
Being taken for granted is a bad feeling. I don't like it. I did send him a letter a while back, wherein I validated all his feelings/complaints. I kept missing opportunities in "real life" but I really wanted him to know I listened, so I used lots of examples. No rainbows, birdsong, or glitter appeared...not sure if I wasted my time or not. I told him I only wanted him to understand I really did listen, so I validated like a fool, and apologized where appropriate.
I have a feeling this will take years. I wonder if I can last so long? One day at a time, right?
Mona, reading your description of events, I'm confused... did you have an agreement in place with H that he was going to pick up D that night? If not, how could you expect him to do that on such short notice?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
