Letting go of the child inside

[Fogg]

I just do not see why with all my changes that I'm doing why we cannot get to the stage where we have a very different marriage but she is not right now prepared to give it a chance

Good stuff from rd, I wish some of it got through to you. I understand why it wont, but in time hopefully you pick up more of it before her actions force you to. One way or any other you will, it's just a matter of how much hell you put yourself through.

No more thinking about WHAT W is thinking or doing. Worry about you. If she's going out to the club to blow off steam, to enjoy her friends, get attention from another man, or even meet up with another man to hook up what difference does it make? Can any of those things be controlled by you?

She's an adult and has left you, you two are done right now. It [censored] but it's life now. You can miss her, grieve for her, even still DB with her in mind, but you have to stop the fear from getting to you.

Stop trying to justify her working on the M because its the what's best for the kids. It seems you haven't changed from the old M anyway because you still cling to her and for all the wrong reasons. It's not even that you love her as much as it's just your fear of being alone and how hard life will be starting over. What she said was true, her coming back is what's best for you right now and the things you tell her (even if they are true) only reassure her she was right.

So, what are you going to do now instead of cycling and spinning again? The big posts of what you need to be doing are pointless if you don't do them.

Here's something I want you to think about for a while. You said 3 years ago she was nearly out the door and you changed some so she would stay (I think, forgive me if I'm confusing stories). You said those changes didn't last and it was becaue they were for the M and not you. You have even said if the changes stuck then and you did more work you might have saved it then. How is now different from then if she comes back to you tomorrow? Nothing would have changed and you would be back here in 3 years again. You changing for you is only part of the equation, the rest is her and out of your control.

So, get your [censored] together (for you) just in case she gets her [censored] together.