Mine essentially says the same thing about being friends. The whole "I hope we can be friends if we divorce" thing. I laughed at that one and told her that I didn't sign up for being buddies.
The thing is, there can be any number of reasons as to why they behave in this manner. Guilt and therefore trying to justify their actions, "feeling sorry" for the left behind spouse and try to use it to make the road easier, keeping "tabs", or whatever. No one knows their justification and if you were to ask I guarantee you would get a myriad of answers, depending on the time/mood/level of crazy/whatever. I am living proof of that.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
None of these reasons change the fact they are still heading down the path to D. They are headed to what they feel will make them happy. So don't get stuck on trying to figure out why because it may not lead to anything else happening.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
The motivation for staying friends is because you are the father of her kids and therefore will be in her life for a long long time.
'Friends' makes her life easier.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I have no expectations from the friends thing. I am just trying to see the reward from her side to doing it, and the emotional cost on me. Detachment or not, it would still be hard to be around her as a friend.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I agree totally. In my sitch I have always told W if we separate we will not be friends. Child exchange is the only contact.
Several years ago when joking about how 'messy' I was She mused of a fantasy where we live in separate houses in the same Cul de Sac and co-parent from separate houses.That is her ideal fantasy!
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
That is a painful fantasy for everyone else. I agree on kids swap being the only contact. We have both been invited to a party next weekend. Not sure if W is going, but I plan on attending. Ugly sweater here I come.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
For my case, I feel that it's to ease his guilt and justify that the D want all that bad. And also, keeping me as plan b just in case the OW doesn't work out.
I used to think that he still had some feelings for me but I don't buy this theory any more... Maybe he does, as he admitted that he has some sentimental feelings for me. But if those feelings aren't helping in a R, I would consider them moot.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Last night, s7 played halftime of the jv boys highschool game. Kids sat with me most of the time, and their buddies did too. I left before the highschool game was over, and before I was 5 minutes down the road, W was texting me. Obviously noticed I had left, even though I hadn't spoken to her. I sat with my cousin, and she commented that W kept looking over my way.
I did my best to not even look her direction, which takes some trying. At ball this morning, I didn't speak to her either. Really have nothing to say to her right now. She is supposed to be coaching these 1st graders, but spends a lot of time mingling and letting the kids have a free for all. It is noticed, other parents end up going onto the floor to help. Completely self absorbed. Completely unlike the girl I fell for.
Last night, I left the game to go see a buddy. His W came home a bit later and visited with me too. She has a single friend that she wants me to meet. I am thinking I will, sounds like a nice woman. Just someone to have fun with and talk to. It would be nice to have a conversation with someone who is interested in what I have to say.
Az said that he was ready when he knew he wouldn't drop a new r just because W said she wants to work on it. I don't like the W I see now, and she has a lot of changes to make to be someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Those won't happen overnight, and I have waited nearly a year. Time to move forward, I think.
One hard thing for me is that I have become more of the man I was when we met. I have worked hard to undo all the garbage that I was carrying , and get back to my true self. Unfortunately, I have arrived here, and the W I married isn't here. What is left is someone I don't know, and don't really want to. Another hard point for me was taking her down off the pedestal that I placed her on while I tried so hard to fix us. It's like seeing a movie star without the makeup. What's left is a damaged and flawed human. Just like everyone else. That is where I am today.
Tomorrow may be different, will have to wait and see
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
