V- it seems nothing works for me. Is it wrong that i want to get those texts from H? That it makes me feel that our 33 yr relationship did mean something to him
This is your brain tricking you telling you that you need to have some contact sometimes.
You will go through withdrawal yourself.
You will probably mess up - particularly because entitled way wards do what they want and find ways around your stated boundaries (like following you to a store and bumping into you, or demanding to come to teacher conferences or showing up at a kid's game unannounced and plunking down next to you).
Perhaps a step back. Don't think of it as NC forever. Like an alcoholic or drug addict just do it daily AFTER you send him a formal letter telling him you are doing it, why you are doing it, and what it'll take for you to stop doing it. That letter is your clear indication that you are not "fine with it". You would basically be saying "I'll never speak to you again, unless you end this affair - any contact with you is just too painful to endure any longer".
Vanilla suggested a lawyer. Since your kids are older that is doable. Your husband can communicate or not directly with his children via their cell phones so their is nothing he HAS TO communicate to you about directly. I think an intermediary is easier to work with - someone assigned the task of taking any communication from WH, pulling out anything and everything that doesn't concern the business or kid situation that needs dealing with and facilitating an answer without dramatizing the situation (meaning whether WH said anymore or nothing more in the email doesn't even get mentioned). When WH decides he wants to respect the boundary and end his affair the intermediary negotiates with him first - reemphasizes that he can't just say he is considering ending his affair and coming home- he doesn't get to have access to you until he actually permanently and verifiably ends his affair.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
