Jpeg, I am so sorry. I think blocking his texts is a good idea. You have been at this for such a long time, it has got to be wearing you down. I am wishing you some peace tonight. And always.
I have blocked all contact with my WH, he could write a letter apart from that it's through my L.
These As don't last, I am certain when your WH is out of funds this particular OW type will go to greener pastures.
Then reality bites for your WH. I can't see your kids being too keen on this OW when they have had a full view of her particular attributes.
NC will help you, it will stabilise you. It's you, I am most concerned about that you can be the best you can be.
I dare say WH has moments when saying he loves you forever has great appeal to him for any number of reasons. And it's unkind and selfish behaviour. Yes, cake eating, temperature checking whether truth or lies.
Unnecessary.
My recommendation is to go NC for a period to see how that works for you.
Block his calls and texts, and also you can consider contact only through your L.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V- it seems nothing works for me. Is it wrong that i want to get those texts from H? That it makes me feel that our 33 yr relationship did mean something to him
Hi Jpeg, undoubtably your long R means/meant something to him. Please don't feel you need texts from him to reassure you of that. It is the case already.
However, the issue with the texts (IMHO) is that he is presumably covertly sending them to you. So, he goes into the bathroom, drops you a little text, then gets back into bed with OW. He probably sent you the text because she got on his nerves this afternoon or similar.
As I have said before, I believe they are designed (he may not realise this) to keep you in the queue as Plan B. The problem is that if you value them too much, they keep you attached to him. It is far better to have a perspective of - he is living his life now. I am living mine. We are not joined. We may rejoin at some point, but there are conditions for that, which haven't happened yet.
Please keep remembering triangulation dynamics and avoid being a triangle point at all costs. He is someone else's boyfriend just now and until or unless that changes, he isn't really worthy of your valuable attention.
Take care & have a lovely weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
V- it seems nothing works for me. Is it wrong that i want to get those texts from H? That it makes me feel that our 33 yr relationship did mean something to him
This is your brain tricking you telling you that you need to have some contact sometimes.
You will go through withdrawal yourself.
You will probably mess up - particularly because entitled way wards do what they want and find ways around your stated boundaries (like following you to a store and bumping into you, or demanding to come to teacher conferences or showing up at a kid's game unannounced and plunking down next to you).
Perhaps a step back. Don't think of it as NC forever. Like an alcoholic or drug addict just do it daily AFTER you send him a formal letter telling him you are doing it, why you are doing it, and what it'll take for you to stop doing it. That letter is your clear indication that you are not "fine with it". You would basically be saying "I'll never speak to you again, unless you end this affair - any contact with you is just too painful to endure any longer".
Vanilla suggested a lawyer. Since your kids are older that is doable. Your husband can communicate or not directly with his children via their cell phones so their is nothing he HAS TO communicate to you about directly. I think an intermediary is easier to work with - someone assigned the task of taking any communication from WH, pulling out anything and everything that doesn't concern the business or kid situation that needs dealing with and facilitating an answer without dramatizing the situation (meaning whether WH said anymore or nothing more in the email doesn't even get mentioned). When WH decides he wants to respect the boundary and end his affair the intermediary negotiates with him first - reemphasizes that he can't just say he is considering ending his affair and coming home- he doesn't get to have access to you until he actually permanently and verifiably ends his affair.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Jpeg, your husband has relegated you to play the hardest instrument in the orchestra, the second fiddle. That's a chair you should not sit in. It's only natural to want those texts. What you want is the man you married sending them. Be strong J, be well
Jpeg, of course you want those texts. My sitch is completely different, but I think I would die of happiness if my H sent me a text like that. I have not heard "ILY" in 10 months and I am craving those words.
