First, don't be too hard on yourself. No one convo is a deal-breaker. This is not a smooth process.
Having said that...do you want to be married to your H, or do you want to win an argument? What is the best 180 you can do here?
Your 3 points that you are concerned about are very important and I think it makes good sense to make those a part of any possible recovery. And standing up for yourself and calling attention to serious questions you have about how he's treating you and various issues is definitely a good thing to do, so I'm not suggesting you don't address them. Just suggesting you think through how you address them and practice, have a plan in place in advance, so that you can take control of your thought process during the heat of the moment. I have had to do a lot of that myself
At some point, if you are going to MC or are sitting down to talk things out, it might be helpful to point out in a non-accusational way that those 3 warrant discussion and working through. Get a MC to mediate if necessary. But present it like setting boundaries: E.g., "I want this marriage to work. I do have some concerns about ABC that I feel XYZ about and need to work through those in order to move forward."
Might not be the best way to put it, but you get the idea.
