Hi, I'm glad this week is behind me. I allowed history to effect the present moment. Anyway, we really are running in parallel. Your husband is away and my wife leaves tomorrow for a business trip. I will miss her but feel like a weight been lifted off me when she's gone. Do you feel anything like that?
I google mapped the gorge you recommended, it's a 30 minute ride. You'll like this, from 2006 to 2013 I worked 9 miles from there, in Long Valley. I will go after New Years, I like cold sunny morning hikes. I've wanted to go hiking for a while but my mind over powered my heart. 2016 will be a better year.
I wanted to respond to your comments about my anger. I carry some baggage in regards to anger as you know. I thought I had it under control but never felt I tested my coping process thoroughly. Yesterday I had that spontaneous test and unconsciously used my new coping skills and moved through the anger to a emotionally balanced state. Like booze, I have had enough anger in my past for a life time. I except it when it arises like yesterday but now move through it much quicker and much less often. Do you believe anger has therapeutic benefits?
You asked "How do you feel most days? Are you depressed? Are you content? Somewhere in between? I worry that you are very hard on yourself, and living in this situation for another 2 years is really going to wear on you. I am not encouraging you to give up, just trying to get a feel for your general well being."
I am slightly down each day. Quite honesty I am to hard on myself. I can't forgive myself. It's a heavy weight on my heart. I carry it around with me all the time and nobody knows its there. The weight pushes out everything else so there is an emptiness to me. I did this. I destroyed my marriage by not being good enough. That's what I feel like everyday.
I must do this for the next 2 years. This is what my son needs, today he was begging his mother not to work so much. My son is much closer to my wife then he is to me. I don't think I will ever have as close a relationship with him as he with his mother. That's okay, I am happy to support him and help him when I can. It doesn't have to be about me.
I came by to say hi and I hijacked your thread. Please forgive me.
