Striving to keep the peace within

[job]

I think you handled the holiday situation very well. Now, off you go to think about what types of memories you want to send him home w/over the holidays. Good food, fun and laughs along the way. Make the home warm, loving and make sure the house smells of baking, i.e., such as cookies or other holiday treats.

You've got this covered!

[mleigh4]

I know I am good when I get Job's approval! Planning it is! I am realizing, I think my Prime Rib is the lighthouse, not me!

[CaliGuy]

Very nice M ... and the icing is its all H's idea.

I think like job says, the way to a MLCr's heart is through their stomachs and other senses that can get around that fog'd up head of theirs. I know for my W when I cook her eyes brighten up, especially when she sinks into one of my famous steaks. I laughed at the Prime Rib being the lighthouse ... epic.

[AJM]

Yeah, good work M. Way to keep it together.

The holidays are an interesting time. Try to enjoy the day and not think about anything but the present.


AJ

[HaWho]

Nice work!! So funny about the prime rib! Remember when he was over a while ago eyeballing the prime rib you were about to prepare? I think you planted the seed then!

Now, if only there was a magic clarity pill for their egg nog . . .

[BrightFuture]

Hey mleigh, great job on resolving the holiday dilemma! Job has a very good advice to make sure that the house is smells of backing. I few years ago (right after the BD) I had a phone conversation with a relationship coach, before H was supposed to come over to paint the doors. She advised me to bake some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. She told me that the smells of backing, especially vanilla and cinnamon trigger the feelings of comfort and safety of a home.

And, of course the prime rib! You’ve got it!

[mleigh4]

Oh the pressure to bake! Do you remember I forgot the eggs and realized it half through baking cookies? Ok, I got this. I will already have cookies I made for Christmas gifts I am giving out this year, so I am thinking a bundt cake...

H has been doing daily random texting the last couple of days. I don't always respond right away, in fact last night I was already in bed, could hear his text ring, and decided it could wait until morning. I was too comfy snuggled with dog to get up!...these holidays really do bring them peeking out of the tunnel, huh?

[Sotto]

Hi MLeigh, I think it's no bad thing if you feel like baking, and it may remind him of what he misses about home. But I think the main thing is just to treat it as a single day which will hopefull pass pleasantly and have no expectations. It will be nice for S for you all to spend a little time together and then life will continue.

I can recall you posting about similar days in the past, where you guys have spent time together and H has continued on as he is. He may (or may not) continue do that for some time yet. I hope you have a nice time and take it for what it is - a pleasant interlude. And I hope your bundt cake rises (if that is what they should do...I have no idea what one is!)

Take care xx

[mleigh4]

Hi Sotto. You made me laugh. Bundt cakes are regular cakes, just a different shape, you use a special pan, and it's topped with icing instead of frosting. Really good with coffee!

You are correct in reminding me of past time spent together with H. It tends to leave me a bit blue. I was really excited at first about it, but the reality is here. I intend to treat this as a wonderful Christmas day with my son. On this day, H can come and go as he pleases, which is actually what I expect him to do. I can't imagine he will spend the whole day, I would guess he will be away between morning presents and afternoon dinner. I will have all my favorite Christmas movies on, my lights all around the house, good food cooking and baking, and enjoy my day. I am looking forward to the day more than anything else...

Want to know the sad part? S was not happy when I told him the plans. He wants it just him and me. I just can't grasp this, I don't understand his lack of a connection with his dad. S also doesn't want to do Christmas Eve with H at grannies. He said it's boring. I told him you need to talk to your dad, ask him if you guys can try something different? S said why bother, he doesn't listen. It puts a bit of a damper on it all, if S can really care less whether his dad is around or not, it causes me to wonder why I am doing this? Keeping the family together for S is a main motivation for me....

FIL texted me yesterday asking if I needed help getting a tree. Very sweet, but how sad it must feel to have to step in for your son....I told him thank you, that S and I can handle it. I kept thinking about it all day. So last night, I sent FIL a message. I told him that I was thinking of him and that in my generation I have come across very few men who still show chivalry. I told him I work hard to teach S such and that he is a great example to S for that. I sent him hugs, he sent hugs back.

[HaWho]

Oh Mleigh- it is so difficult as the children start to become cognizant that something is off. It is painful to watch as a mother. I think it is very healthy that you defer these issues to your H. Clearly you are a good listener as your son opens up to you. Kudos to you!

Your FIL sounds great. Is there a way to have your son spend more time with him? That bonding might be great for both of them. No?