Unlurking, Rd II: Hitting reset

[SciDad]

Hi Strngr!

Him knowing has complicated the potential road him added a few more bumps if you will.

Since I first found out I've been very good about not letting any of our mutual friends or family know, because I wanted her to have a clear road back to our relationship. If I blabbed to everyone she'd feel judged and vilified and it would be a much tougher road for her to come back. Since then I have only told one childhood friend and my former boss. I guess part of why I wanted to tell her parents was that I thought they would still love her unconditionally (so it would be "safer" for my W) and I wanted additional support. At this point I realize it was a very bad idea, if only because I was looking for someone else to do the dirty work of getting to the truth of everything. If that discussion is to be had, I should be the one leading it.

My wife now says we have no chance of saving our M now that my buddy knows.

Don't believe anything she says. Just ignore it and keep improving yourself

I dono about your W but mines pretty sloppy when it comes to hiding the A im sure it wont be long before her family figures out whats going on and thats without me saying anything.

That's a very good point. My W isn't doing a great job of hiding stuff (I even wondered if she left evidence on purpose so I'd see it). It might take a little longer for her family to figure it out though because we live over 15 hours away from them (by driving). Maybe they'd miss a lot of the little clues, or maybe it would become more obvious when she's talking about the OM and not me or the kids. Not sure, but I'm not going to worry about it, either.

[gonegrl]

SciDad, I did talk to my IL's about the A, they already knew, and argued in her favor as they completely bought into H's spew about how he was driven to her because I was so extremely impossible to talk to, and then the added awesome fact that I "hated them" and ow was encouraging him to "reconnect" with his family that I had so callously caused him to disconnect from, so of course that turned them against me and made them love the OW. H played that one magnificently, I didn't know he had it in him, talk about a master manipulator. Anyway, I got treated to lots of articles about "what happens when you are a bitch to your husband" and how H was in "romantic love" with ow and had "committed, obligatory love" with me, and how if FIL was in H's shoes he would have F'd her and it would be more than and EA. On and on and on, they bought H's lies hook line and sinker and think the OW was the best thing to happen to H.

And guess what, they are coming to my house again next weekend, aren't I lucky? And even if H and I divorce, I will have to see them at every one of my children's graduations, weddings, etc, this is going to suck no matter what, I wish I hadn't entertained ANY conversations with them about the whole mess, it just made it so much more "icky."

[SciDad]

Pho- that sounds terrible! And I'm not sure if you intended it that way, but it's another good deterrent from disclosing what I know.

However, if asked directly I'm not going to lie. I just refuse to volunteer too much information. If the topic of whether the OM can come over comes up I may just have to say he's not welcome in the house and that we had a falling out. Leave the details vague ("I just don't want to talk about it right now..."). Or maybe strategically leave the house (although this feels like running away to me).

Not sure what the better way to deal with this, but I'm open to suggestions. Any thoughts?

[tl2]

No way I would knowingly let an OM in my house. I would be surprised if she even asked that...course, now that I think about it, with some of the stuff I've seen and heard over the years from my W, maybe I wouldn't be surprised!

[gonegrl]

Wait, SciDad, I am confused, where is OM being possibly invited? To your house?
I will personally come over there and stop that one from happening.

[Vanilla]

I hope there is a trap door to the crocodile pit with a strategically placed pull cord.

I also have the fire and brimstone treatment it's better than traditional tar and feathers.

You might want my buckets of doo kit on hand for emergency use.

Fire hoses and P on fire might be useful too.

I have packs of ipicack.

I am sure the lovely folks here can find appropriate cootie repellent if the tub wash comes to your door.

V

[gonegrl]

SciDad, why don't we set up the OM in your sitch w the OW in mine. I understand she is pretty and much less bitchy than I am, OM would like her, and they are both in the mid-atlantic. They both apparently like partners who are already involved so they have that in common, could solve both of our problems and make the Other's happy, a win-win all around.

[SciDad]

I should have been clearer. I don't think my wife would ask to have the om over. I'm worried her parents would.

Part of what clued me into the early was that the om, a friend of ours for years was suddenly sucking up to my w's parents. And doing odd favors like washing their car for them. Basically, he was acting like he wanted to date them

[SciDad]

Pho, the only boundary I can (and will) take is to not let the om into my house ever again. We once we're friends, shared beer, worked on cars, watched football games together. Now he is dead to me.

And I hate to admit this, but i secretly hope I have a reason to kick his butt. I'm probably not going to get a chance, but I did mention to my w that I could break his kneecaps if he makes fun of her fantasy football team. You know, if she wanted me to. Because I might have some anger toward him. Yeah, I'm subtle like that

As for hooking up our two evil marriage busters, I'm all for it. I'm all for them living in syphallytic bliss together

[SciDad]

Hi v!

Make no mistake - I loathe the om. I should probably hide it better, but hell, there's only so much I can fake. He is scum and I don't have time to decontamate my home after his diseased a$$ makes a visit. So he can't visit. Simple, no?

I suppose I could ask my wife if my in-laws know, then give her the heads up that he can't visit our house. I can't stop them from having breakfast with him at the Perkins or going to his house, but I can keep him out of my house