[BrightFuture]

HaWho, I think I spoke too soon… I’ve been having some blues again… Thanks for the advice. I will try not to make the financial decisions with my heart. Well said! I know it could be difficult, but I will try.

Heather, no, I am not upset about what you said. Actually, I think you are right about me enabling him. However, I disagree with your statement that he is a “parasitic man”. I might have presented an incomplete story when I said that I was paying for two mortgages. I was, but H was not a lazy @ss. He was making pretty good money for a few years of our marriage, before the 2000 and the dotcom collapse. He was struggling for a few years after that. He was spending days on his computer and on the phone looking for work. He was very stressed about that.

At the same time, he was doing all kinds of house work, remodeling, upgrading, fixing...

Then, after a few years of not making much, he tried to become a sales agent, selling property in Mexico (this is where we have a vacation home.) He worked hard. He took the real estate exam, he learnt a lot about the business, about the vacation home place. He was making phone calls, doing the shows, mailing, etc. He did his best to become a good sale person. Then, the real estate went sour on this side of the border, which also affected everything across the border. He made a couple of sales, but at the end his expenses exceeded the number.

H always worked hard. It was just the circumstances that prevented him from making money. He was very stressed about that for years. I wonder if this was a major contribution to his MLC. Also, the realization that he was not the bread winner in the family… I think it takes toll on most men.

I think my sitch is different from others here, because I don’t need the D process to help me financially. I don’t have kids to support, I have my house, I make enough money to support myself (and H, if he would still be around, LOL.) I could definitely ask for my share of the condo. But… I don’t know if I can do that. I mean in my heart, not legally. I keep going back and forth between being gracious and giving H what he wants, and being angry and trying to take away half of the condo and business. Besides some hopes that I still had all this time, this indecision about condo was stopping me from initiating the D process.

I hope it makes sense.