Azzork, I appreciate the comments but I disagree on this point.
I understand how to be a good parent. I have a great D, who is/was happy, happy. Graduating with honors from MSU, and has accepted a position with a major co.. She is wise beyond her 22 years. Just disappointed and hurt. W left her this year and has really had no contact to speak of. Until I ring the bell with W to stop being so selfish and let her know she is losing her D. D is ready to throw towel in.
But maybe this is part of the reason we are in this position. Probably over emphasized the kid and neglected the marriage. W was more guilty of this then I. She never wanted a sitter, because she was molested by one. I understood that. We poured our life into family first. I understand we got here because of both took care of everyone elses needs first instead of our own. But thats who we are. Until now.
Most people understand that when you have problems, you typically need to deal with them before they get to big. My W decided to clam up as always and I guess pretend everything was normal. Guess not. She admits to not ever speaking up about what she was feeling. Felt we were drifting.
But She is 100% responsible with the A.
I do blame her for that choice. We always talked and worked out issues. She told me it was wrong but didn't stop. Now she's knee deep.
Did this get me closer to my goals. Nope. D did not want her there, but gave in after I asked D to allow her to come along. But I don't believe it lost any ground either. She has her own no contact thing going. If I don't initiate it I don't hear from her. And when I do its very short texts.
Obviously the Goal is to save my marriage and create a new one that is great. Just I am not sure what direction to go. Working with my DB coach we agreed the NC was the start. I have been under the no contact, unless I need to speak to her re: D. At this time I am trying to GAL. As we all know that we are no good when we are obsessing over what our W or H is doing. Over analyzing everything.
Unfortunately W has been enabled by my sister in law, who gave her a job and found her a place to stay that is nice and affordable. Now I don't have a relationship with my brother and his wife. Sad, since I come from a family of 6 kids and he and I were extremely close. They said they didn't want to get involved or in the middle. But they have. Funny thing is my W always disliked my sister in law with a passion for 25 years. Now they are best friends. W's A is upsetting to the rest of the family. Even her own sisters have asked her to stop. Nothing registers with W. Never knew life could get so screwed up. I guess I had a charmed life for 52 years. Battling cancer, losing sister to drunk driver, and father to inept DR., was actually easier to deal with then this.
If anyone has any ideas that have worked for them I am more then willing to work at them.
