I have hired a lawyer and done all my financials. Waiting for our pensions to be valued. Still nothing legal in place. H texted me again late on Sat night saying he will love me forever. I know it is his guilt, or he was drunk. I did not respond although I really wanted to I know he is "cake eating". Is that the right expression ? I have come a long way since last year when I felt I had nothing to live for or look forward to. I still don't look forward. But I am living. I have no thought, intention, or desire to have any R other than with H and of course my kids. I have enough of them to keep me busy, occupied, and to give my love to - they are my true blessing - just can't believe H is willing to through them aside for his new lifestyle
I think not responding was the right move. If he truly feels that way you'll see it in his actions. Repeated actions. Without attachments.
Originally Posted By: Jpeg
I have come a long way since last year when I felt I had nothing to live for or look forward to. I still don't look forward. But I am living. I have no thought, intention, or desire to have any R other than with H and of course my kids. I have enough of them to keep me busy, occupied, and to give my love to - they are my true blessing - just can't believe H is willing to through them aside for his new lifestyle
I'm glad you're doing better, but I worry for you. Do you have a safe person to keep an eye on you? I I know from experience that having nothing to live for is a short trip to thinking the world would be better without you.
You are a wonderful person and hate to see you in pain. Just keep posting and know that we're here for you
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
We are trying to make sense of people who just don't make sense. Best best is to get out of wonderland.
I agree with not responding. He will hit rock bottom quicker if you don't enable poor behavior. He needs to face reality and if you respond with loving statements your only empowering him. He needs to come to the conclusion that he is going to lose you. You did great with pushing ahead the legal and financial aspect (and you were a big help to me as well with my situation) now it's time to be selfish and discover what will make you happy.
I think I mentioned this before, but whenever I am snuggling and connecting with my children I always say to myself, I would never want to switch roles with him. Sure they are the ones inflicting pain, and supposedly living it up but at what price? Their values are so distorted right now. We know they can't be happy. It's just a matter of time. But You can move forward with a clear conscience. That's a lot to live for.
What type of GAL activities are you engaged in? I know you have a nice vacation planned. But what about when you get home? Have you thought about volunteer work?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
He shouldn't be able to text you directly whatsoever. You not responding probably doesn't really matter to him all that much. Just the satisfaction that he got to send that message to you (and be pretty certain you go it) is enough.
Instead, click on his name and BLOCK that caller/textor along with sending him the letter I discussed a couple of weeks ago with your firm boundary that you want nothing to do with him until he ends his affair and commits to a recovery plan; and, that if he has to contact you about an emergency involving the children he is to communicate with you through an intermediary. No direct contact whatsoever. It's just too painful and you've got to get on with the rest of your life.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Hi Jpeg, good for you not responding to that text. From an outside perspective, it's so innappropriate for someone to be in a R with someone else, but still texting the W to say I'll love you forever. I think it's just trying to keep a number of people 'on the hook' so to speak.
I think GB's suggestion is an interesting one. If H can still text you at 11pm or whenever tenderly, even if you don't respond it enables his behaviour to an extent. He can still imagine you receiving that text and feeling a surge of tenderness perhaps. I can see the merit in closing down that avenue. It is fairly 'hard line' and could be more tricky to do with kids. In my sitch, where we don't have kids, I would certainly consider doing this, and if you have a suitable intermediary you could do this.
I guess another way might be to ask him to communicate only via email and block the phone number. You could let him know that you don't welcome such messages from him when he is in a R with someone else. I have a couple of email accounts, one of which my H uses. I decided to take that one off my phone, so I only get his emails when I choose to check them (ie: no late at night contact.) He has emailed me at around 10.30 with inessential stuff and I know that would have unsettled me had I read it at that time. As it was, I picked it up the next day & responded - it's been quite freeing for me to apply this control.
I think the main thing in all of the above is to recognise the inappropriateness of his behaviour, given the ongoing A, and keep firm boundaries in place. No dissolving into tenderness with his ILY messages - yeuch - whilst A is ongoing. It'll take more than that if you want to win lovely Jpeg back matey!!
Take care my friend xx
Last edited by Sotto; 12/09/1509:03 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
SciDad thank you for your concern. I am not suicidal. I am just very very very sad. It has been almost a year and a half since H left and I miss him so much I am still heart broken
Mutatio - I am trying to be strong and some days I feel strong and confident but the last few weeks I have been suffering, everything he used to say to me he now says to someone else - my heart still aches so much for him
GB and Sotto - I have been trying NC - I think it makes his life easier. And sends him the message I am fine and don't need or want him so he can happily move on cause everybody is ok with it
