My sitch is like Star Wars, when you think it ended the series, them there is another one.
Well, everyone knows that I decided to go totally dark. NC at all.
On Wednesday morning XWH texted and called because he was running late to pick up the kids for school. I did not answer at all. Why? He can call his kids directly.
Then on Thursday I got this msg:
XWH - Good morning Cira - I wanted to ask you if we could do a walk through tonight? Also, can you take our sons to school tomorrow - Friday morning?
Me (after 2hrs) - Anyway it can be tomorrow? Since you were taking the kids out I had some plans for tonight. If not, I will try to change things around. Please, let me know.
XWH (after 3hrs) - Let's find some time sunday afternoon or evening.
Me (after half hour) - How long do you think this walk will take?
XWH - (right away) - Maybe 15 - 20 minutes.
Me (after half hour) - I need to take S17 to guitar lesson 5-30 - 6pm. Can you do this by 6:30pm?
XWH (after half hour) - I believe so.
Me (right away) - K Txs
And then he came to the house at 6:30pm. I had a smile, said hi, we hugged lightly and politely. He said that the house looks really nice with all my XMas décor, he loved the XMas tree.
I got a cup of coffee and said that he could do his walk. He said that he would wait for me. I said that there was no reason to wait that he could go ahead and get whatever he wants and it would be fine with me.
He insisted he would do the walk only if I was with him. OK, we went upstairs. I told him that there was nothing in my room, but he wanted to check. Well, nothing.
Then he took a half dozen books from the bookshelf in the hall. He also took all this English/Portuguese dictionaries and I bitterly comment that this was not the right dictionaries anymore, that he needs the French ones.
He said that this is out of question now, that there is nothing like that anymore.
Then we went downstairs, he saw I put away some of our marriage stuff, presents. I asked if he wanted, he said no. The I bitterly said: OK, I can break them myself. He said: Why would you do that? and I said that if the M is broken so is every memory of it too. He then said that maybe I just put it away for now.
He then got a few more books. We went to the garage and he got some fishing gear. And that is it.
I reminded him that he has his bike hanging in the garage and he said he does not have a place for it and in anyway the kids have messed up his bike. I look at him and I asked if he would like the bike repaired. He said no. The I said: XWH, understand that this is the last time you will say something like that. You have a choice to get your bike repaired or leave it alone forever. It is your choice and after it we won't talk about this anymore, this is final and I will not hear a thing about this tomorrow or ever again.
He was surprised, and said that I did not need to be so radical. I then said, that this is really final. He did the walk, took what he wants, and the rest is all mine and the kids and he can't just come and go as he pleases. His choices about the stuff is done, we are all moving on from here and he can't claim anything anymore.
He said that things don't need to be like this and I said that this is the way I want things to be and that is the way it will be because I said so.
Then he stands there, looking at me like I am the alien here. Like he is reading me or trying to get into my brain.
Then I showed him the stuff I separated for him before and he said that he was not planning to take it with him. That he would like to keep the stuff in the garage because he still need to resolve the storage issue.
WHAT? He does all this and can't take the stuff? What is he thinking? Probably just a bunch of bologna. All this arrangement to do a walk, then he gets about 10 books out and can't take his stuff out of the garage.
Then of course, he told me he is contact with some friend I know that may help him to get a better job with a better pay because he hate to think this way, but he needs a lot more money.
Then he shows me how big are his pants because he lost a lot of weight and remind me how much I did not like to see him overweight.
He says that he was blind, that he is understanding so much better a lot of things he did not have a clue before. That he does not deserve a person like me. That he is stupid, he is nobody. That I deserve someone much better then him.
I looked at him and said: XWH you are a good man and you became and are becoming a man of my dreams. I can see that you are changing and it is for the better of you. I can see for awhile now that you are not so selfish. That you care more about things that should be important in life.
I can see that you listen more now. I just think that you are not giving yourself a chance to feel happy. I think that you would benefit to get some counseling for yourself and cleanse all the wounds that you have from your childhood.
But, that is what I think and you are the only one that can decide what you want to do with your life now.
He then said that he is trying his best to be more helpful with the kids and do more to make things easier for both of us. I said that I would like to get a baseball bat and aim at his knuckle head, because now he is all what I wanted for so long.
He smiled, he looks at me like when we were not in this mess, when we were good friends and enjoyed each others company.
I know I should have stopped with the R talks, M talks. But in the same time there is so much that we did not expose before.
I am not very sure why he did this. I instinct says that he was itching too bad because he did not know what I am up to. He is curious, he talks around trying to get info on what I am doing lately and he is getting no info what so ever.
So, I will go dark again. Won't be available anymore. It is good because I have no aggravation in my life and may be the weapon to make him think what he wants.
By the way, he also told me that he does not have a R with OW since September and that he is not lying about it. That he still talk to her once in a while and that they are friends. LOL
Sorry XWH, not good enough. I don't even get why he is telling me this. It's not my business anymore.
In all of the above there is no one time that he mention he is thinking about us. No one time he says he would like to work on what we destroyed. Nothing. He is just his old self, going in circles without doing anything.
Well, time for me to keep my NC policy. It's the safest place I can be for now.
