Just know that it is all normal. The stomach pain, the shaking, the hate and the unbelievable sadness and emptiness it causes it's all normal for now.
It will get better I promise you. Maybe it won't be as fast as you want and he will do many other things to hurt you. But "YOU" will learn how to be yourself again and how to deal with this situation every time it comes up.
This is a process and a very painful one. So, take this time to reflect about yourself, walks are good, take the kids somewhere fun, like was said before, confide your pain and worries to someone that will have the patient to listen.
And remember that all this will take time, even much more then you think it would. What you do during this time is up to you and you have complete control.
Remember that what you do not have any control is your H's actions and decisions, you this trash bag OW actions and decision.
I tell you from my own sitch, it is horrible at first, then slowly you start seeing yourself in a different way. You make many mistakes and learn each time. The faster you learn, the better. I was a slow learner.
I am divorced now, but I am still talking to my XWH. So, really it became just a piece of paper. Is he coming back to me, I don't know. But I know who I am now, I am stronger and I respect myself much more then when I was married to him.
I guess I just want to tell you to have patience, do what is right for your kids and yourself. That you will be the one carrying the heavy load right now because you want to recover your R.
You know that his R with this OW is just some fantasy of his. There are many problems there and there are many dirty stuff floating around as she is also married to someone else.
Let it be, let it go for now. Don't give him any reason to blame you. Let him deal with all of that and see for himself that you are not the main problem for him.
So, what are you planning for XMas? Any gathering with friends or with family? Do not wait around for him. Go somewhere, take your kids and have some fun. Yes, I know, it may not be so fun because you are hurting inside.
Well, pretend it is all fun. Force yourself to be around other people, eventually you will find out it is a lot of fun.
And by the way, did you get any appointment with an IC for yourself? What did you decided about the anti depressants to take this edge (stomach ache, shaking)?
And the weight loss, any pound off already?
Look at yourself in the mirror and think what you want to see there. Is your hair the way you want right now? Are your nails done? How many pounds off is your goal?
You said you are a stay home mom, can you work? There is any way to start the kids in a daycare? Or a family member can help with the kids?
Are you gathering all the paperwork you will need if you want to pursue the law in the future? Did you get the appointment with a lawyer to find out what are your rights for many specific situation, like house, kids, cars, financial obligations, child support, health insurance, maybe alimony. You need to be thinking even about your kids and their future, do you know what may happen if you drop dead tomorrow? Who will take care after your kids?
It seems very drastic, but it is real life and if you is the only one left to think about your kids, then it is one of those times in life that it is all unfair, but there is no other way, you will need to swallow the knot in your throat, toughen up, put those big girls pants on and be the one responsible here.
I know you can do it. It's hard to think because you are hurt to the extreme, but you can do it for the love of your kids and yourself.
