I do feel like GB was judging me. It really hurt when GB extended warm support and then as soon as I revealed that I'm not exclusive to Christianity, that I'm into astrology and the pathwork, GB withdrew that warm support and basically abandoned me. It really did hurt and took me a couple days to overcome. I make myself very vulnerable by bearing it all on these forums at the most vulnerable point in my life. I need reassurance that there are good people here who won't judge me even if my beliefs are different. I don't know if that counts as trolling, but yeah, I'm sensitive right now. So thank you again Azzork for sticking with me.
My point was that saying things like "Nobody is posting. It must be my beliefs. I guess Ill just have to go elsewhere." feels manipulative. Theres many reasons that you wont get replies. A lot has to do with your....visiblity...here. The more that you reach out by posting on your threads and on other's threads, the more replies you will get. Staying in your own little cubby hole and posting infrequently wont generate a ton of replies.

By 'I haven't withdrawn completely' I mean that emotionally I still feel very attached to my W, inappropriately so given the reality of my sitch. I still pursue her a bit more than I think I should, and I find it hard to stay focused on myself and not her. I elaborated on this in my previous post.
Just because something is hard doesnt mean that you should avoid it. Im guessing that if you go farther in not pursuing her, that you will be able to emotionally separate better. You mention a lot about your histories and feelings and such, and honestly, that doesnt mean a whole lot to me. Im trying to tell you what works. Its your choice whether to do it or not.

Thinking about the fact that she doesn't desire me leads me to a dark place where I just want to close my heart, give up, get a D. At some unconscious level I feel very attached to her still, and the though of her not wanting me sends me into an emotional tailspin. My mind can see things objectively, but that doesn't seem to help my emotions. I'm not sure if that makes sense... honestly I'm pretty confused myself. I flip between feeling hopeful and holding myself together and then crashing and wanting to give up. Back and forth every day or two. I suspect that the deep emotional wound from feelings of abandonment during my birth experience have something to do with why this is so difficult for me. From the advice I'm getting from other DBers, it seems like I have a much harder time than some people do with the first steps of emotional processing to come into reality and step out of the denial stage.
Nope. Its hard for everyone. But it wont just 'happen'. YOU need to make it happen. YOU need to work at it.

All of my feelings of sexual attraction to her are still there and are stronger than ever. I do not act on them, but the desire gap is very evident, so I feel rejected even though I am not acting on my desire. I think this might be lessening slowly, though, as I adjust to the new reality of my M in limbo.
It sounds like even though you are not actively trying to sleep with her, that you are still pursuing way too much such that your feelings are getting hurt. You know her feelings; why are you pushing to make her express them?

Exactly, I agree and this makes me feel even more hopeless. Occasionally, after a really good cry and praying out of compassion for myself, I feel like a sense of grace comes over me and I am able to come back to myself and feel strong and like doing GAL stuff. In that state, my W seems more attracted to me. That only lasts for a short while, however, and it is very elusive. Not something I can easily summon on demand. I'd love it I could find a way to stay there, but most of the time I am stuck flipping between attachment and withdrawal.
So if you KNOW your W is more attracted o you in that state, why dont you stay there? How do you feel about YOURSELF while you are in that state? Think about what behaviors get you to that point....and do them.

I do feel like it would be easier if I could just get on with the process of getting over her. If we didn't live in the same house anymore I wouldn't have to see her all the time and it would be easier to move on and pick up the pieces of my heart. Living in this limbo is like having it broken again, day after day. As long as I keep my heart open to her the pain of abandonment and rejection is constant. Is there some way to protect myself from that pain without closing my heart to her? If so I am missing it. Again, I wonder if it must have to do with my wound and my mothering/attachment issue.
In all serious, how does the legal condition of being divorced help you do any of that. It wont changehow you feel about her or your marriage. That stuff is completely unrelated to the legal side...No matter what, thats work you have to do.

You're right. I'm having a really hard time with this. I am still really attached to her and I have a hard time putting myself first and letting go and accepting that I have no control over her. I can see how unrealistic it is, yet my emotions won't budge. I can see that I need to grow up in some way that I never did, but I'm not sure how. I do feel like as I spend more time getting into these feelings and observing them, really taking a hard look at myself, I am slowly getting a clearer picture of what is going on inside of me. So far, however, I haven't been able to figure out what to do about it to actually heal my wound and grow up. Perhaps I am on the right track and this just takes awhile. I am scared that it will be too late to save my M, if indeed this is why my W is not attracted to me. What a terrible bind!
It does take a while. Stop worrying about saving your marriage. Worry about saving you.

So here's the thing: When my inner child is screaming and insists that he wants my W and nothing else will do, how do I redirect that need into a more healthy channel? Ignoring my inner child doesn't work. I can't kill my inner child... and I can't snap my fingers to make him grow up. I am reading many books that suggest I never received the nurturing that I needed from my mother, and so I never progressed to develop a healthy self-nurturing instinct, and never went through the natural process of detachment from my mother during adolescence. Instead, I grew up with my inner child unconsciously attaching to my SO's. This is extremely difficult for me now as it's all buried in my unconscious... I feel so incapable, and yet I fear that saving my M depends on it. God help me!!
Im not at all involved in psychology or anything like that. I dont really care much about your 'inner child'. The way I see it is you fake it until you make it. Just start doing things....after enough time, they will feel natural. I want for you to start DOING instead of just thinking about doing.