Pho's thread continues......

[Dawgs]

Hi, Pho! I am so glad to hear that you are sleeping again! Now if some of that could spill over here.

I swear it seems as if your H and my W are cut from the same cloth. We had our final MC before she leaves last night and she was rehashing little things. Little things?!?!?! I was like, c'mon. It seems as if mine is just grasping at little things to justify whatever. She still can't see her twisting stuff. Let me use this example from last night - she claimed that she took a risk in her career to leave a base early due to me being unhappy...nevermind the fact that we had a long discussion about how the no-win situation she was put in was negatively affecting fitreps so we agreed that her taking an immediate need position was what was best for the career. When I confronted her in the session with our discussion from back then, the MC noted the look of recognition on her face and called her on it. You should have seen the squirming.

I completely understand the feeling of being depressed for your H. I am the same for my W. My W is really starting to go deeper and deeper and I don't know how she will pull out.

I think my next step will be determining what is in the best interests of the children. Their father is "broken". He is their father no matter what, even if I file for D and get remarried ASAP to the most wonderful man in the world, H is still their father, and will always be. So how do I make sure that they are stronger than he is, that they do not pick up his depressive and angry thought patterns? That they do not go through life feeling as though they are a victim and need to blame someone- their parents, their spouse, their child, for all of their problems? On one hand I want to model great patience, love and commitment. But on the other hand, what is really the best environment for them to grow up in? I am really thinking this upcoming "break" will give me clarity.

This is a very difficult thing to think about, let alone do. I think that the thing we both must realize is that, yes, our spouses are broken. No matter what we do, we can't fix them - that is a road they must travel on their own. As their parent, they will (unless they choose not to) always - and should be - be part of the children's lives. The key is how we model our behavior. We can only do what we can and that is be the best parent we can and be a strong and loving and supportive person for them. That's all we can do. Even if one does remarry the best person in the world, they will still be part of the H/W's world, as it should be. And, unfortunately, they may pick up on their behaviors. Our hope is that they don't. That isn't in our hands. We do the best we can and give the children the love and support they so desperately need. They will see and follow.

I agree, the break will do you wonders. At least yours is coming back. Mine isn't permanently for two years, and then she may very well file before then. Ugh.

Take feeling better any way you can get it! Keep your chin up!