I'm noticing that New Guy isn't curious about my life in the sense that he doesn't ask a lot of questions about what's going on with me -- though he does ask questions about me that are much less personal. On the other hand, I know a LOT about his life, including specifics about who he spends his time with, family relationships, etc. I don't think he's toxically self-centered, but I'm curious if I'm being over-sensitive about this or if I should appreciate that he's letting me lead how much I want to explain about myself. I recognize that I'm working through some scars but if I'm going to do this dating thing I'd like to feel like I'm personally interesting to the person I'm seeing.
Hi Maybell, I've been thinking about this for a few days and while I don't have an exact answer, I'm always happy to share my opinion. We all know that lack of interest in me by Mr. P post-BD was a huge sticking point for me. Long drive, flat tire, leg surgery, don't care, I'm not asking about you. Even now he hasn't once asked about my new job other than have I started it yet (because that affects alimony of course). So, just warning you this is a hot topic for me.
Shift over to guy I dated for a little over a month. He talked a lot about himself, rarely asked questions of me. I was patient, thought maybe he might not be comfortable carrying on a conversation and talking about himself was his way to fill space; I thought he might be trying to give me space by not asking too-personal things; I thought maybe I was being insensitive by wanting to talk about myself. I made up a lot of excuses to make it ok, but in the end it wasn't the relationship I wanted to have. The deal breaker was when I thought he had been particularly subdued and non-responsive to my texts over Thanksgiving weekend, and I finally called him out on it. His reply was that he was a sensitive guy and wanted to give me space for my family and not be demanding. I said I understood, that was a great viewpoint and sweet of him, but could he also see the viewpoint that perhaps I needed more support from him during a demanding time instead of less and I wished he had initiated a conversation about it before it got to the point where I felt abandoned? He launched back with a long diatribe centered around himself. He never even acknowledged what I had said. So I called him out again. He never got it and then was surprised when I ended it.
My point, MB, with my personal story is, if you don't think he's interested in you, move on. He doesn't ask about you, that's a warning sign. How does he react when you bring up something, does he dig further or does he simply match it with his own similar story? Can you imagine living this life and having these conversations 10 years from now? Can you imagine sharing your hopes and dreams with this man, not now, but after some time together? How do you feel when you come home from a date, are you walking on Cloud-9 or are you brooding because he wouldn't listen?
We all know that lack of interest in me by Mr. P post-BD was a huge sticking point for me. Long drive, flat tire, leg surgery, don't care, I'm not asking about you. Even now he hasn't once asked about my new job other than have I started it yet (because that affects alimony of course). So, just warning you this is a hot topic for me.