Zues, I'm sure I would struggle a great deal with that also but at the end of the day it might what you can do best for the kids. I'm sorry its something you feel forced to do and I don't think it will help any with letting go of the anger and resentment towards your STXB, but if it contributes to making things on your children better then its worth it.

While I understand most of that last post is the need to vent somewhere, to someone, I hope it will lead you to more realizations about you, whatever they may be. Other posters will likely drag it out. I often do read your posts but struggle with what to say. While I think we share many similar opinions I recognize some of them have small differences of opinion that are significant to its overall meaning. It leads me to questioning my thoughts and unable to form a post I am content with submitting.

I think you do a great job with mirror work trying to understand who and why you are who you are. Its all very interesting to watch unfold.

Random thought, I wouldn't have thought you were so introverted with how competitive you are, I guess I don't connect the two.

Anyways, good luck with the speech. I'm sure you will be fine, you might not like it but many things like that come after BD. Yet here we are, growing, surviving and thriving, which is what you will continue to do.

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be