dday, gaining traction

[dday]

Gs9. Thank you. Unless I get a Christmas miracle, I will be getting a D soon. W is still stuck in me me me mode. I saw it again yesterday, and just realized it. W told me about the little girl having cancer. When she was done, I told her that my best friends stepson has cancer too. She went right back to how she volunteered to help do a fundraiser for the girl. It's nice of her, but it's like she couldn't stand me having something important to say. It's all about her. And until that changes, there will be no r

[dday]

Question:

Why does WW or WAW want to stay friends after d?

Is it to keep an eye on me?
Keeping the door open?
Keeping me hanging on and therfore single?
To cause pain?
Some other reason I haven't even considered yet?

Anybody have ideas? Maybe I missed it in Sandi threads... it's just on my mind right now

[Uphill]

My thought, plan B...

[tl2]

She probably wants to feel better about what she's doing. If you're willing to be her friend, then she can interpret that as "See, I'm not doing anything so bad here if he's still willing to be friends." And she can tell that to family, friends, and kids to take the edge off what she's doing and imply that you were somewhat on board with the decision. And also what Uphill said...as a Plan B. If she's nervous about being out on her own, she wants to know she can call on you for help, etc.

If she's more seriously unhealthy, there are narcissistic traits where the narcissist keeps people attached (even those they leave) in case they need to feed off them in the future.

[Cristy]

Hello dday,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Your fishing trip sounds like it was amazing! Especially since you came back with a renewed focus on yourself and your "heathens" as you put it

Keeping you in the friend zone does the WAW all sorts of good, but not so much for you. Cake eating in the friend zone limits her feeling the consequences of her actions and cleaning up her own poop.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[dday]

Thanks Christy. If/when I can make the money work I would love to talk.

Up and tl2, I don't want to be plan b. I don't want to let her feel better about what she's doing. I want her as W or on the dark side of the moon. I have made it through the last 2 kid pickups just fine though. Yesterday she gave me d papers 3.0. I haven't yet looked at them. According to her, her L says she owes me nothing and if we go to court she will win. My L consult said ask for 20, take 15k. Or stick with 20 and pay 5k in L fees to get it. W backed down and said she would give me 15k when she refinances to get my name off. She thinks she's being generous. Guilt? W says that she wants to have a smooth relationship with me and doesn't want us to have hate between us. I opened my mouth, anti DB, and said that I still love her. And there are many other things that could lead us to hate. She hung her head and I left.

Maybe not the best interaction, but honest.

[SciDad]

Why does WW or WAW want to stay friends after d?

Read my tagline - it's there for a reason. To remind me that we are still an emotional insurance plan. As Uphill said, we're plan b. An option, not a priority.

[Dawgs]

Gonna have to agree with SciDad. As everyone has said, it seems they want that to justify their decision, as twisted as that is.

[mutatio]

Her motivation is Guilt. With you her friend it wasn't a bad choice since you still buddies.

[dday]

Thanks mu. I believe you guys are on to something.