Can ALL marriages be saved Vol. 3

[Mona52]

This will pass.

He wants you to move to Europe? Why?
It does not matter one bit what he wants right now. His needs and wants have nothing to do with you.
He wants to file because he is feeling uncomfortable, and the D is being used to lessen his guilt. Do not worry or panic over it.
Remember, it is over when YOU say it is over. You are in charge. You are in control over how long you intend to stand and fight.

Today proves that he is able to change his mind. I am 100% sure he changes his mind about everything many times during the day. Are you always 100% sure you want the M? There are times you dont want to fight for it and there are times he wants to.

He just cant show you this because that would mean he is wrong in many ways.

Breath, refocus! Go buy something adorable for you. (ADORABLE!)

[Gmum]

Thanks Mona. The problem boils down to $$$. I can't get a new place here if he doesn't sign off on it. About to get in the train. Will write more later.


Thank you so much for responding. Really needed that.

[Gmum]

He wants me to move because things are cheaper over there, I could get a nicer apt for less money. There's a safety net, free health care, subsidized child care etc and its where our families are. But if I move there, I'll move to a city I'm not really that familiar with. I have no friends there, just a family member and I have no desire to live and raise my D there.
I've lived in the US for more than a decade. It's what I know and love. It's where my friends are etc.

I can't deal with him changing his behavior on a whim like this. One minute we're friendly, the next he says he doesn't care if I end up hating him for a long time because I have to move - it's the smart thing to do.

[mahhhty]

I agree with Mona. Its not about him. Do what is best for you? He will have to live with it.

[Gmum]

Again, if he doesn't sign a new lease with me or puts enough money in my account every month until I can support myself, then I cannot stay here.

I understand where he is coming from, he is under tremendous stress right now, but so am I.

[Gmum]

pressure, I mean.

[JksD]

Oh dear, that sounds tough. Would you be able to get a job soon? Will the child support and alimony be enough?

I wish I can offer some advice but I can only lend you a virtual shoulder.

[Gmum]

No. Even if we cut down even more it would still be extremely stressful. If I work outside of the house I won't make enough to cover child care costs anyways.
And H is so stressed out in worried he will have a nervous breakdown in which case there's NO money coming in. There's just not enough to support two households.

I'm going to consult with a lawyer, just to see what my rigths are.

I can't believe this is the end of my American journey. I feel so defeated.

[JksD]

I understand how worrying the finances can be.

Hope your L will be able to work something out for you. Hugs.

[Mona52]

Gmum,

You dont have to be D to get help as a single mother if he does not live with you. You can get your child care paid for, or at least most of it. It is easy to apply for and get insurance and WIC (food stamps). They even help pay for an apartment or help you get a job if you just go and ask. It cant hurt to see what you might qualify for. You might be surprised.

One rule they might have is you must take him in for maximum child support. This is a little stressful, but once you get through it, you wont believe how independent you feel.

Yes, this will be stressful on him. Honey, you have to stop worrying about that right now.

You are about to move to another continent so he is not stressed???? He|| no! Move because that is where you will be happiest. Move because it is best for your child. Move because your psychic told you to, but never move so it is easier on him right now. And dont feel you have no other options. You are in America, you have options all over the place!