spoke to OW..the 1 he said he has no contact with

[sandi2]

How many marriages that have EA/PA's actually succeed at reconciliation?

Don't know. There have been several that have left the board and been gone a long time. There are at least three of us here on the board, that's been in that type of sitch. There's Starskey, Mr. Bond, and myself. Those are just three off the top of my head. We have stuck around for years, to pay it forward. Most people leave the board after reconciliation.

So, what does it have to do with your marriage? I can tell you it's not easy or quick. Starskey's M was on & off for quite some time. It took Mr. Bond's M about 4 years before R. Me? Gee, I'll have to go back and look at my old threads, but it sure wasn't overnight, I can tell ya that much.

How long do these A's last and when does the WS finally come to a realization it's not what they thought?

Every A is not the same amount of time. Yes, the WS finally comes to realization it's not what they thought. Realistically, some AP's do get M. And, some WW's end their A but never R with the H. However, there are some WW's, like me, that slowly come to their senses.

Are there any consequences that are visible to the WS while they are in affair?

When the affair is at it's peak, I think she has blinders on, for the most part. In other words, she'll blame someone or something else, instead of the consequences being the result of her decision to have an affair. Again, there are variations with people and their sitch.

And when separated what consequences can they have.

What do you mean "can they have"? Are you asking what can you do that would be a consequence?

I feel these "in-house" separations don't work, and there are hardly any consequences for the WW who is still getting all the benefits of being the LBH'S wife. He has to be careful about wanting to administer consequences. Most of what he tries to do will appear as punishment, in her viewpoint.

He can separate his accounts, take his name off any CC, and things of that sort. He can protect his retirement, property, etc., where she can't profit while with OM (if that's even possible, IDK). He can drop everything he is supporting financially for her. Especially the big things like car, rent, groceries, clothes, etc. I see that as consequences due to her decision to leave the M, but I don't know that she would. She may just blow up at you. I usually advise H's to stop financing WW and protect themselves from the her. The best teacher of consequences is "life" itself. You are very limited at what you can do.

Seems she can pretty much live her life the way she wants at this time. She has some income and but enough in savings she has tapped into so funds are not a problem for her but they are for him. He's on his 8th eviction from the same apt.complex since last 2013 til now last month. Works 6 months on then off all winter.

I don't suppose it will do any good to tell you to stop watching them and what they do. Guess what? You are the one suffering and trying to think of a way to get back at them. It's no skin off their backs. You can become so bitter it turns you into a man nobody wants to be around. I hope you'll think more of yourself than to allow it to do that to you.