Back on these forums again 4

[Mona52]

I have to stop and list a positive.
In the beginning (yes, I realize i am STILL in the beginning...)
In the beginning, it was torture to go an hour and not text him. I was constantly checking my phone. Every few minutes I had to stop myself from texting him with some 'important' news or request.

Today is Dec 10th, during the month of December:
*I contacted him once because S's therapist asked me to, so that does not count!
*I contacted him On Fri after I found out about the A.
*Sat he contacted me and I only replied
*Monday we went to see S together
*Yesterday I contacted him, but again only about child care
*Today I replied to his request for money

If you add it up, I only broke down and contacted him ONE day where I should not have contacted him. And I had just discovered an A, so I am letting myself off the hook.

The point I am trying to show myself is that going dark seemed impossible, but now it is second nature to NOT contact him. I never EXPECT him to text me anymore.

Also... He has been making his own food (actually, he has most likely been eating out of vending machines, not my problem), he has been doing his own laundry, buying his own iced tea (we are addicts), setting his own alarm clock, oh.. and a BIG one... fixing his own computer issues!

He is playing his own candy crush game. He is creating his own R with his children. (he never calls or texts, and he did not get S12 ANYTHING for his birthday) The nature of his R with his children is not my problem, the point is, he is making his own R with his children.

I am not fixing, suggesting, helping, monitoring, or solving any day to day activities anymore.

Today of all days I need to take a few moments and bask in the relief that I am not responsible for these things and they are getting done without me.

Now, I just need to learn how to forget completely what I am not responsible for.