Thanks Spiff. I will read up on Emotional IQ. The conversation your W had with her IC is very close to the one my H had with his. VERY close. And H keeps saying during MC that our problems are "surreal." Uses that word frequently, and I just want to smack him. Surreal? This is our life. It is not surreal. It is normal problems that normal people can work out if they so choose. It is not an alternative reality. People can, and do, come back from worse. H's response to that was "And people don't come back from less." So it will be his choice. Or mine if I decide I cannot do this anymore.
I have been so depressed lately. I thought it was more of the "I am so rejected/heartbroken" depression, the kind all of us DB'ers know all too well and has become my constant struggle in these last 10 months. But I recently realized that its different now. I am depressed FOR him. That this man is so broken. That he seems very likely to stay stuck and that is making me sad. Yes I still feel rejected and heartbroken, those feelings are still in the mix, but little by little I am starting to just feel bad for him.
I think my next step will be determining what is in the best interests of the children. Their father is "broken". He is their father no matter what, even if I file for D and get remarried ASAP to the most wonderful man in the world, H is still their father, and will always be. So how do I make sure that they are stronger than he is, that they do not pick up his depressive and angry thought patterns? That they do not go through life feeling as though they are a victim and need to blame someone- their parents, their spouse, their child, for all of their problems? On one hand I want to model great patience, love and commitment. But on the other hand, what is really the best environment for them to grow up in? I am really thinking this upcoming "break" will give me clarity.
Oh- and another topic. I slept last night! Had the worst emotional day yesterday, and then I don't know why, but I slept last night. Not great, but better than usual. I slept and when I woke this morning the first thoughts that entered my mind were not my marital issues. I wouldn't say I was feeling happy, or peaceful, but I was feeling content. Thinking about the day, what I have going on, what the kids needed for the day. H left really early this morning, I won't see him for 4-5 days, maybe that is why I feel better? I really don't know but I will take it.
