Just how are we supposed to have growth if they wont participate? I know our growth is for us, but we all have admit that our growth is also to save our marriage.
You have personal growth. You have marital growth. You may have personal growth without the marital growth.
I haven't been where you guys are, so I can't say I know how you feel. My question is, would you make the personal changes (growth) if you had known, without a doubt, that you and W were done forever? It must be difficult to focus on your personal improvements without hoping it will have a positive effect on the M. Can you even emotionally separate from that possibility?
Here's what I have seen in the past. The men who made changes in order to effect the MR, seemed to backslide a lot easier. There have been those who would come back (after reconciling with their W) and say they got another BD......then admit they got lazy or stopped working on the changes altogether.
If the improvements are not for yourself, first, and then carried over to the relation.......how could it hope to stick? What a waste of energy and hard work if the person is doing it for their S and then the MR doesn't work out.
I'm pulling for all of you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
