LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (6)

[gs9]

so confusing. She just came in the office very calmly. We split up all the furniture. Then started crying and said "here's our whole marriage" and walked off. I wrote this instead of chasing her.

I hope she is feeling loss. I hope and pray

[trumpet]

Let me get this straight - she wants the divorce, filed on you, and now is being a travel agent for guilt trips, and telling you it's your fault?

Has she always skirted around responsibility? Time to put her big girl panties on.

[gs9]

Hey Trumpet- yes she has always passed blame. She has very rarely ever taken responsibility for herself, actions or words. Until recently I have accepted this blame. Here's a great example. She says I ended our M last year when I was unfaithful so what she has been doing isn't wrong because she doesn't feel we are M. However, she told me when she met her first A she told him to leave her alone bc she was M. She also continued to call me her H and refer to herself as my W. It wasn't until her 2nd A that she came up with this idea that our M ended over a year ago.

[sandi2]

Why would she be bluffing? She doesn't want to move out, and she knows you can't make her.

[gs9]

Hey Sandi- In her head she believes I want this D too. She has actually said this to me. If I want it too then it eliminates her taking the blame for the D going through.

Turns out she was bluffing. Later in the evening she came to me, told me she looked at an apartment but it wasn't available until Jan 5th. She asked if she could stay til then. I said she could. She paid an application fee and deposit on it. D4 said "our new place has a pool". I looked at them online. I'm not sure how she's going to afford anything more than a 1 bed/1 bath. The 2 bedroom apts are almost as much as our mortgage. Rental pricing is ridiculous in our city. Not my problem.

[sandi2]

Not my problem.

That's right. Consequences are a b'tch.

[gs9]

*Long entry* lots of journaling dialog -

We had a couple good conversations the rest of the evening. I was walking down the hallway. She wrapped her arms around me and started crying. I held her for a minute then pulled away. I said " I need to tell you something that I think you already know. If you continue down this path and D me at this point I do not see us coming back together as you have described."
She said " Well that will be your choice"
I said "I know"
She said "If you will not give me time to heal, you time to heal and then us time to heal. That will be your choice. This whole time I have been asking you to give me space and time to heal and you said no, no, no. You have forced me to this place to get the space I need to heal."
I said "I understand this is how you feel. I feel I never told you no. I even told you I would move out and give you space if you would stop talking to OM. You refused. I have not kept you here and you could have left at anytime."
She said "This is my house and my kids live here"
I said "It is my house too and I even left for several weeks. You told me you would stop talking to OM and work on our M so I left. Then I found out you lied and never stopped."
She said " staying at my XH house for 4-5 days does not count and you don't know what I was doing."
I said "it was 3 weeks and I do know. You know I checked the phone records and you never stopped talking to him like you said you would. Regardless, this is where we are today. I do not want this D, this is not the path I would choose or am choosing."
She said "I do not want this D either. I never thought we would be here. There is a big part of me that wants us to stay together for D4. "
We sat quietly for a couple minutes.
I then said " I guess you have some decisions to make before the 18th. And what is your plan? I don't think you need to have one right at this moment but if we're not going to court next week I would like to know your plan. Maybe write it down"
She said "I told you my plan."
We sat quietly for a few minutes.
She said "You said something the other day that has really stuck with me. You said I insult your family. I have said some terrible, hurtful things about them and I was wrong. I should have never said those things. they were wrong and I was wrong to say them."
I said "Thank you, I appreciate that."
She said " I have also said very hurtful things about your past. I was wrong to say it. I do not believe those things about you and I was wrong to say it."
I again said " thank you, I appreciate you saying that"
We went our separate ways for a bit.

[gs9]

That's right. Consequences are a b'tch

Yes they are and it looks like she is full steam ahead to the D

[gs9]

I introduced "Elf on the shelf" to D4 last night. WW was there. It was great for D4 I had a lot of fun with her.

[gs9]

This morning WW was flirty and teasing. She came in the MBR bathroom without shorts on pulling her shirt down to cover her heiney. She teased me about forgetting to move the elf. She complimented how nice my shirt looks. I said thank you. She made my bed yesterday. She offered to take D4 to school even though it's my day.

I told her yesterday I plan to gut the house. This morning she said "FYI I like the house just the way it is other than the carpet." I said " there has be changes"

She has been more of a gentle spirit this last week but she's still talking to OM and full steam ahead to the D. So small changes but still disrespecting me and the fact we are married

I think she's laying the ground work for her to be able to D me, continue dating these other men, get the healing she needs and assumes I'll take her back someday.