Hello Mutatio, my very dear and supportive friend. I am so sad for you today. Roiste's advice was right on target, my advice and words would not be as good. Although we have never met, and I don't even know your name, I feel a connection with you that prevents me from thinking and responding logically and in good "DB" style. I am angry with your W, angry that she cheated on you, angry that she has not been honestly participating in the marriage, angry that she is neglecting and rejecting and hurting you.
Perhaps it is because our stories have so many similarities, perhaps it is because in some odd way you remind me of my H, the "good" H prior to BD (and I don't know why but you do), but I lose my objectivity with your sitch and I just want so much for you to feel loved the way you love her, and to be treated with the respect and compassion that you demonstrate daily for her and for those of us needing a friend here on this forum. You are a good man.
I am glad you are feeling angry, because I think you are too hard on yourself. I think some anger is healthy and necessary, and in your case, very well justified. You are entitled to feel anger, and you should not apologize for it or think it makes you seem weak or impatient, or unkind. It makes you a human being who has been betrayed and dismissed and is reacting with normal healthy feelings. I don't know what to tell you to do with that anger, but I don't think you should apologize for it. Feel it, own it, know that it is deserved, and please find a way to move on.
Is there something you can do for yourself today? Something different maybe, some thing that will bring you a little peace and nurture your soul? My "happy place" is not far from you, when I lived in your part of the world I would hike the Ken Lockwood gorge, have you ever been there? It is so peaceful, no cell phone reception, feels like you are a million miles away from the world. Just watch out for bears! I wish you peace and comfort Mutatio, and I want you to know that this too shall pass. You will be loved again fully and better than you were before. Your son is unbelievably lucky to have such a role model for a father. I am lucky to have you as a friend on this forum. You are a good friend to so many, I think many would agree. Hold your head up high, no shame in feeling angry.
