Back on these forums again 4

[Mona52]

abuse, not at all!
you are here for help. there are plenty of people here who want to help, so take full advantage of that for yourself. please, take it as a lesson towards putting yourself first for a change.

as for the money, this is a hard one.
have you told him previously you were not an ATM or anything like that as a boundary? if so, then NO MONEY, period.
YES! I had forgotten this THANKS! In November, he asked me to reduce the child support payment. He pays me less than 10k a year for 3 kids as it is. He asked if that could be reduced.

He said my allowing him to reduce the child support payment would be the difference between him succeeding or failing.

I replied:

Me: But I cant be your reason for success or failure. And you cant expect me to be. If you need a little more money per month, there are lots of things you can do every month to earn it.

Are you going to give him the money with an expectation that it is going to change his mind, curry favor for your, have him look at you in a different light, or anything else [do you have expectations that it will help your situation]?

No. I do not think giving him money will help me one bit. It will enable him to go see OW, or pay the cell phone so he can call OW, or the internet so he can play online with OW. It will enable him to continue not taking responsibility. I do not feel giving him money will help me, and I would not give him money just to help me.

On the flip side, I DO 100% feel NOT giving him money will hurt me. He will hate me for not being there. He will find a way to get money on his own. He will realize he doesn't really need me anyway. I know these feelings are not correct, but they feel so real.

Also, I picture him with puppy dog eyes, pleading for me to help him. I see that picture in my head and I feel like robbing a bank to give it to him.

OR are you doing it because it is 'the right thing to do' in your opinion. What does he NEED it for? will this be the end of the requests for more money (to me, 200 bucks is not a lot of dough in the grand scheme of things, will he be back for more)?

This is another soar point. I do feel it is the right thing to do. If someone asks for help, you help them. Actually, if they have gotten to the point where they need to ask, then I have already not been loving enough. I am supposed to know what they need BEFORE they ask for it and get it to them. That is how I would like to be treated, so that is how I should treat him. (and everyone).

Again, logically I know that what I just said is ridiculous. It is bound to fail. You cant go around and just figure out people's problems for them. A wife can lovingly do that for a H, but we do not have that relationship anymore. But in my heart, I feel I should be doing more to be more loving and supportive. I cant just push the feeling away. I just have to argue with it and try to ignore it until a new feeling comes to replace it.

Not trying to tell you what to do, please don't think that...I am just trying to look at this at a different angle than what has been presented already.

I am absolutely in love with new angles! I may not always agree, but I always welcome them Thanks!

I hope you are well today!