Wait in the home or move out?

[runn79r]

Thank-you, that's the type of feedback I was looking for. An answer with an example etc.

OM is not married or in a relationship. He had a girlfriend the firs time things happened and his justification for breaking up our family is that my wife is his soul mate and she is different than anyone else he's ever dated. I have a feeling he will be overly clingy and put too much pressure on her to get married/move in etc. Which she may or may not succumb to.

She will ask for help, advice, schedule accommodation etc. For the most part it is a two way street between us. Neither of us tells the other what to do, it is always asked. She's more reliant on my help than hers but I don't accommodate anything that is frivolous and there have only been a couple of times where she has asked for something that she recognizes and acknowledges is unfair and I haven't accommodated (or if I have it is with some form of mutual concession).

The primary issues in our marriage was that I was over responsible and she was under responsible. She lives a very unstructured life and has a some self sabotage issues / esteem issues. My default position is to always just take care of things and that didn't help the situation. It gave me less energy to give to the relationship (giving her what she needed) and also made her feel even more like a child because she wasn't responsible for things. There was too much resentment on both our parts which caused us both to distance. We've learned a lot about what our issues were and what needed to be done to make the relationship healthy.

That's part of my concern is that she's trying very hard to take this new understanding about how to have a healthy relationship into the new relationship rather than applying it to her marriage. She is committed to seeing things through with him because they have more similarities and she feels they communicate better. Hence my concern over how supportive/friendly to be because it may reinforce the fact that she can have the best of both worlds, a great co-parent and whatever new relationship she wants.

Thanks again for your help.