I am such a mess this morning. Even with the sleep aid i woke up 3 times last night and just cried. I feel so utterly lost and defeated. I keep asking myself why her? Had he put that effort and romance into us, things would have been so different.
Inatead he chose her. Small thing to be proud of. Since he has not contacted me I found myself weakening and i wanted to call him. But I didn't. No call, no text, nothing.
I hate when i think...if only he would realize. Because he is a grown man and the fact that he kept the affair going and just got better at hiding it for so long after he supposedly ended it shows that he did realize what he was doing. What he was risking. What he could lose. And after thinking about it he decided she was worth it.
And now that his lies have come to light...he is not here apologizing or asking for forgiveness from the family..the woman he claims to have loved. But he is doing that with the ow.
It's so much pain and I feel used and humilaited on top of hurt, angry and alone.
Rain75 - I know youre hurting and thats OK. You have a long relationship with someone that has turned their back on you. Of course it will hurt. Of course you will think and wonder and worry and all those things that come with it. Thats OK. Thats natural.
But realize this. Life is still happening while youre in this state. And right now, any contact that you make will only hurt you further and make the situation worse. So its GOOD that you can keep up with not pursuing him. For your own good, keep that up.
The key now is to begin to pick yourself up off of the mat. It's time to do things that will make you feel good so that 1) you can feel good about yourself and 2) you can let your mind take a break from all of this [censored]. How good would 10 minutes not obsessing and him and 'you' feel? All that stuff I bolded is a waste of your brain power. It's a rabbit hole with neverending questions and pain. For a while, I wore a rubber band on my wrist and snapped it any time I started going down that hole. Stopped after a couple days.
So what can you do to GAL today? Even if its just for 15 minutes?
