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No thanks but give your son the option. If you are doing something on 1st Jan he will have to choose, or go to both.

W is trying to eat a big portion of cake.

Last edited by isittoolate; 12/10/15 11:27 AM.

Me49 W45
T15 M13
S11 S8
BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12
Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12
W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing!
May-Oct14 drifting
Dec 14 W agrees to more QT
BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY
W filed 1/25/16
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The answer I'm thinking of sending would be:
" W. Thanks for the invitation.If S wants to go he can. I hope he does for you. As for me no thanks."
I just don't get that she hasn't noticed I no longer ring her, kiss/ hug her or text. The only contact has been financial mails. She is the only one who rings and my answers are always vague when she wants to know about my life and I always end the call asap. After her play acting this weekend all I want to do is try to get her out of my head as much as possible. I don't want to know what she is doing or thinking at the moment, she's gone to a new life with OM. I'm still trying to rebuild mine. It has only been two months. I think she still wants to behave like we did at S's birthday but I was still in shock. (It was only 9 days sfter leaving) of course I love her, I wish I didn't, but I can't meet up and act like nothing is different. Have the same lunch as last year!


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As I didn't respond to her text, which she knows I have seen, she has sent another one telling me the reserved restaurant and asking me to tell her if thrre is a change of plan. Notices my reluctance.


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So, I take it that she assumes you are going to be there? Trying to bully you into a response?


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Yes. She assumes that I'll be there, the same as we were but the circumstances aren't the same!


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Just say, Thanks for the invitation but I am busy on that day, so will decline.

Don't mention S , he can make his own mind up.

What will you be doing that day?


Me49 W45
T15 M13
S11 S8
BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12
Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12
W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing!
May-Oct14 drifting
Dec 14 W agrees to more QT
BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY
W filed 1/25/16
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 331
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Nothing but I'm not going. S is away at the moment but I'll have to mention him. Say ask him when gets back on Monday.


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Hi Scrant
I would tell her no, but not explain in any way why you are saying no. Just say, "I cannot come, sorry." It is what you DONT say during this text message that will drive her up the wall wondering.

"What does he mean? Is he angry? Does he have plans more important than my bday? Is he done with me? Is he spending that time with someone else?"

She will not stop asking herself these questions. You know, because you cant stop from wondering what she is doing as well. Just because she is in an A does not mean she wont want you single.

Also, I wanted to chime in about the dreams. My H left me for almost 3 years once. The dreams never go away, ever. I hear some people say they stop after a wile, so maybe yours will. Mine never have.

But you can change your attitude about the dreams to make it easier to deal with them. I look at the dreams as a precious gift and I cherish them. I allow myself to replay them in my head when I wake up and throughout the day if I want. I know it is not reality. It is like thinking of a beach vacation or BACON. (or veggie bacon if you are a vegetarian).

So if your dreams do not subside, welcome them with open arms.


Me: 42
H: 45
M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs
D: 17
D: 15
S: 12
I kicked him out 8/21/15
I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
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Thanks Mona. I hadn't looked at dreams in that way. I'll give it a go
The answer I'm thinking of sending would be:
" W. Thanks for the invitation.If S wants to go he can.invite him when he gets back from.... I hope he does for you. As for me,I can't come thanks.
Knowing her she'll ring or text to find out why.


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Originally Posted By: Mona52
Hi Scrant
It is what you DONT say during this text message that will drive her up the wall wondering.

"What does he mean? Is he angry? Does he have plans more important than my bday? Is he done with me? Is he spending that time with someone else?"

She will not stop asking herself these questions.


I'm going to remember this piece of advice, thank you.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
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