We take our daughter to a tumbling class for toddlers every wed night. We both go, as some sort of "unified" sign for our daughter. 3 things that stuck out to me. I am not assigning any significance to these things, but they struck me as odd.
1. I had noticed that she had "tattooed" herself with a pen. She had written her name, and drawn a little heart around it. Let's remember, she's 27, not 16. A long time ago, during one of her bouts, she had carved the K from the Korn logo into her waist. Take that as you will.
2. She mentioned to me how I looked thinner (24 lbs. lost in 2 1/2 months, down to 178) I made a joke about how a friend at work said I looked "sickly thin", and she immediately said, "No, you have arms, that's not unhealthy." Still, not assigning any important to it.
3. She was "over the top" in paying attention and praising our daughter whenever she did anything. Way more than needed.
We mostly kept it cordial, talked a little about how her step-dad is in the hospital because of a back injury and can't make it back to town. Small talk here and there as we watched our daughter play. Much better interaction than last week where I couldn't even look at her. I made sure to wear my "skinny" jeans tonight, and by skinny, I mean I can finally fit into my 34" rockstar jeans again. Thank god for small victories. and then we took our daughter to my car, strapped her in, and she told me she'd see me on Friday when she comes to pick D up to go to her Grandmother's house in Amarillo for the weekend. Have another coaching session tomorrow, that's all for now.
Last edited by NateG79; 12/10/1501:51 AM.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
Ok so the cat is out of the bag. Still though, I would recommend damage control. If someone asks you about her, just smile and say you are not sure. Don't engage in bad mouthing her with friends or family. They may try to bait you in as away to help you release your frustrations but I'd recommend showing them quickly that ou won't be sharing every detail with them. Or any details for that matter.
Share the details here if you need to vent.
Things you say now will haunt you later. And people never forgive, even if you do. She will always be the one who "hurt my buddy Nate", know what I mean? Don't give them any ammo to use against her in case things work out later on.
What plans do you have this weekend? Do you have the princess this weekend? What fun stuff can you do?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Ok so the cat is out of the bag. Still though, I would recommend damage control. If someone asks you about her, just smile and say you are not sure. Don't engage in bad mouthing her with friends or family. They may try to bait you in as away to help you release your frustrations but I'd recommend showing them quickly that ou won't be sharing every detail with them. Or any details for that matter.
Share the details here if you need to vent.
Things you say now will haunt you later. And people never forgive, even if you do. She will always be the one who "hurt my buddy Nate", know what I mean? Don't give them any ammo to use against her in case things work out later on.
What plans do you have this weekend? Do you have the princess this weekend? What fun stuff can you do?
Yes, at this point, only close family really knows. No friends know much, other than maybe our babysitter, but she's not interested in it, just how we're dealing with D. This weekend, I'm heading out sat night with friends to a local concert and just general guy junk. Friday night going to a piano bar with a F friend who is experiencing something similar and just wants to get out of the house with mutual friends. I'll be plenty busy. I usually have no issue finding things to do. D will be going with W to grandmother's house for the weekend for Christmas baking. I'm going to miss her dealt as she won't have spent much time with me this week.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
1) she is not 16. You will see a lot of this type of behavior. She's in crisis and part of that is reverting to the childlike and self centered behavior that makes no sense to an adult. My wife bought a two door sporty car even though we had a 3 year old daughter at the time. Things are done for reasons that you will never understand and they will never be able to explain even after there episode ends.
2) she complimented you. That's a good thing but also don't get too carried away with it. She wants to keep you in place so that when she's done with her little experiment she can have a family to go back to. Been there done that. Keep it all in perspective.
3) she was over the top with attention to your child. Standard procedure for spouse who has suggested breaking up the family. There is over compensation to make up for her bad behavior. There is also trying to prove to herself and also show you, that the child will be fine and that kids are resilient. They don't truly believe it so part of the process is also convincing themselves.
I commend you for being able to see her and to hang out and be cordial. That is more than most people in your position so soon. Keep this up. Be polite and cheerful but not over the top. You are a man who has self worth and chicks dig you, and you will be fine. That's the attitude you need. She will soon start to wonder why you aren't balling up in the corner to cry and she will be intrigued.
So no child this weekend. What are YOU going to do to get out and live life?
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Be careful of taking your broken heart out to meet a woman who also has a broken heart.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
1) she is not 16. You will see a lot of this type of behavior. She's in crisis and part of that is reverting to the childlike and self centered behavior that makes no sense to an adult. My wife bought a two door sporty car even though we had a 3 year old daughter at the time. Things are done for reasons that you will never understand and they will never be able to explain even after there episode ends.
2) she complimented you. That's a good thing but also don't get too carried away with it. She wants to keep you in place so that when she's done with her little experiment she can have a family to go back to. Been there done that. Keep it all in perspective.
3) she was over the top with attention to your child. Standard procedure for spouse who has suggested breaking up the family. There is over compensation to make up for her bad behavior. There is also trying to prove to herself and also show you, that the child will be fine and that kids are resilient. They don't truly believe it so part of the process is also convincing themselves.
I commend you for being able to see her and to hang out and be cordial. That is more than most people in your position so soon. Keep this up. Be polite and cheerful but not over the top. You are a man who has self worth and chicks dig you, and you will be fine. That's the attitude you need. She will soon start to wonder why you aren't balling up in the corner to cry and she will be intrigued.
So no child this weekend. What are YOU going to do to get out and live life?
I kind of got that sense too. I didn't really want to mind read. The tattoo thing kind of made me think it's like high schoolers that do it to boost her self esteem. I knew plenty of those. I don't think her identity is as secure as she thinks. But enough on that. The compliment while nice, does nothing for me. One thing being a big bad rock musician taught me was how to ooze confidence even when feeling lowly. But lately, I've been thinking of getting back into at least playing, to get myself back into that attitude. Listening to my bands full blast and air drumming puts me back there. And now that I'm getting into my skinnier jeans, I might go blow some money on a couple new tattooes and some shirts to show them in
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
Coaching session today. Good talks. Will have another one next week with the crucial holiday coming up. Some of my thoughts of her self-destructive nature was confirmed. Feelings validated. Have a plan to improve on the co-parenting to make life less stressful on our D. Going to take D to the mall today to play at the playground there. Little chilly, otherwise we'd go to the play village for awhile.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
The tattoo thing kind of made me think it's like high schoolers that do it to boost her self esteem. I knew plenty of those. I don't think her identity is as secure as she thinks.
The WW is in rebellion. Depending on the individual person and sitch at how they show their rebellion.
Describing her as acting like a high schooler is pretty close. From what I've read, most WW's act this way.
Glad you had a good talk with the coach.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for the input sandi. I agree it's some type of rebellion, but I used to see it in my friends in high school that had self esteem and angst issues. Regardless, after my talk with my coach, my approach so far is exactly what she would prescribe. Treat her like q neighbor, continue my GAL as I have. She also confirmed that my wife is very self destructive, as she has been in the past, and at some point will blow. She referred to where we are right now as stage 1.
Me:36 W: 27 D2 T10 M:2.5 Filed D 1/14/16 BD: Sep 15 A Discovered: 11/17/15 She moves out 11/19/15
