D-Day Tomorrow

[Azzork]

Blue Time!

Ok here it goes. Don't judge us, me or her.
Judge? Here? Dont worry, none coming your way.

Initially when we met we met other liked minded people on a website for "adult fun". There was no jealousy involved or anything like that. The trouble began when I continued to be active on this website and posted her picture. Not on the website but to private emails.
So you were taking things beyond a level that you had discussed/agreed with XW? Im still a little unclear what the intent was? The danger of possibly being caught? The validation of the other guys?

She had always told her not to send her picture out. And I didn't listen. And it came to a head when I posted a semi-naked one of her. And I then lied about it. She had my email password. So I could never really hide that. I knew she would find out. It became almost like a game to me. I was very proud of the way she looked. And liked the responses I would get back. The issue was me.

A. Not listening to her and respecting her wishes.
B. Lying to her.
C. Not ever involving her in this process. I would do it
behind her back.

Yes, these are all issues. And I think you should look into them to see what caused you to do these things.

For example - you can not send out pictures anymore. Great. But if you still desire that validation from other men, what will stop you from doing something similar again - oversharing some personal detail or something?

As soon as we went to counseling and this came out. I finally realized how much I had hurt her. I vowed to never do it again. And I didn't. But her feelings were I had already told her I was going to do it. And that she didn't feel she could ever trust me.
NNothing you can do about that right now. But you can become a person that engenders trust from others. How do you build yourself into a person that can be trusted?

So there you have it.
I know this was hard for you. I hope you can breathe easier now.

[PigPen]

Well done Bobby, I know that wasn't easy. Hopefully you get some insight now into how to move forward - which is all you can do.

PP

[Bobbyb]

Nope not involved at all in that scene. It was just something we as a tried as a couple.

So..woundedfool..no letter?

What then?

[woundedfool]

So..woundedfool..no letter?

Nope, and none for the foreseeable future. *If you want to write a letter as a way to help heal, feel free, but do not give it to her. Maybe as a therapy write a letter save it, and write another in a month and see how it has evolved?

What then?

Lets find you some GAL's.

Remember DB-ing is COUNTER to what you brain wants you to do to get exW back, so maintain NC and do not pursue (sending the letter is pursuit).

[Bobbyb]

It is counter intuitive the no contact.
My mind wonders how she feels..has she found someone else yet..etc etc.
Plus her birthday is coming up..on Christmas no less..can I call and wish her happy birthday or send her a Christmas card?

[Azzork]

It is counter intuitive the no contact.
My mind wonders how she feels..has she found someone else yet..etc etc.
Plus her birthday is coming up..on Christmas no less..can I call and wish her happy birthday or send her a Christmas card?

You CAN.
What's your goal with it?

[woundedfool]

can I call and wish her happy birthday or send her a Christmas card?

Would you have given a christmas or birthday card if you were still together?

[Bobbyb]

Well a gift for sure

[Bobbyb]

Is wishing a Merry Christmas a breaking of the no-contact?

[rd500]

I would t have thought so.